Wikipedia:Peer review/Heinz-Wolfgang Schnaufer/archive1
| Toolbox |
|---|
This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I would like to nominate this article for GA in the near future. Prior I would like some constructive feedback and suggestions on how to improve it so that it doesn't raise major concerns at GAN. Thanks, MisterBee1966 (talk) 07:44, 24 January 2014 (UTC)
A few copyediting comments, not a complete review. - Dank (push to talk)
- "(in some services, notably the World War I German air force, classification as an ace required ten)": Since this doesn't apply to him, I don't think the lead is the best place for it.
- "enemy aircraft during aerial combat. All of his 121 aerial victories ...": Up to you how to reword this, but there should be some way to get rid of the redundancy of "aircraft ... aerial ... aerial".
- "For which he was awarded ...": sentence fragment
- "on 16 October 1944. At the time of its presentation to Schnaufer it was Germany's highest military decoration.": on 16 October 1944, Germany's highest military decoration at the time.
- "Nachtjagdgeschwader 4 (NJG 4—4th Night Fighter Wing)": You've just defined NJG 1 above, so no need to define NJG 4 ... go with just NJG 4 or just 4th Night Fighter Wing.
- "A year later he was released and returned to home town and took over the family wine business.": "... his home town ...", but while I'm here, a little better would be: After his release a year later, he returned to his home town and took over the family wine business.
- "He died of injuries sustained in a road accident on 13 July 1950 during a wine-purchasing visit to France. Schnaufer succumbed to his injuries in a hospital at Bordeaux on 15 July 1950, two days after the accident.": He sustained injuries in a road accident on 13 July 1950 during a wine-purchasing visit to France, and died in a Bordeaux hospital two days later.
- Otherwise, the lead is fine. Good work. - Dank (push to talk) 22:29, 8 February 2014 (UTC)
- Thanks for your time and comments. I addressed your comments. MisterBee1966 (talk) 08:00, 11 February 2014 (UTC)