Wikipedia:Peer review/Hersheypark/archive1

Hersheypark

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This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because it is in need of improvement, and I think a peer review will help that effort. It is my intention to get this article to GA and eventually FA status. Thanks, Son (talk) 00:40, 5 December 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Every paragraph should have at least one ref
Punctuation comes before refs, not after, with no spaces between them
The 3 "further info"s in Rides should have summary paragraphs
Trivia sections are frowned upon, merge it elsewhere and add a ref
Not sure about the gallery section, but those all need to be free images
An article this size should have more than four refs. These need to be consistently formatted: url (if web ref), title, publisher, accessdate at a minimum, dates in same format. The 2 Hersheypark official sites is a self published source and should be in external links
Suggest you ask User:JonRidinger to look over it too. I'm not good at copyedit reviews.

Hope this helps. PumpkinSky talk 17:27, 11 December 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Ruhrfisch comments: Thanks for your work on this - I agree with all the comments above. Here are some more suggestions for improvement.

A model article is useful for ideas and examples to follow. Idlewild and Soak Zone is a FA on another Pennsylvania amusement park and seems like a great model
The lead should be an accessible and inviting overview of the whole article that follows WP:LEAD. Nothing important should be in the lead only - since it is a summary, it should all be repeated in the body of the article itself. There seems to be a number of things only in the lead - the distance to Philadelphia and the IAAPA award are two examples
My rule of thumb is to include every header in the lead in some way, but the Themed areas in general and all the ones I checked in particular are not in the lead now.
Per WP:CITE references come AFTER punctuation, and are usually at the end of a sentence or phrase
Article needs more references. My rule of thumb is that every quote, every statistic, every extraordinary claim and every paragraph needs a ref.
Internet refs need URL, title, author if known, publisher and date accessed. {{cite web}} and other cite templates may be helpful. See WP:CITE and WP:V
There is a toolbox on this PR page with a dab link checker that finds some dabs that need to be fixed
I would intersperse the pictures in the article - if there is a picture of something, I think it should be mentioned in the article.
Admission section is way too detailed and fails WP:NOT - this is an exncylopedia not an ad for the park or an amusement park guide
Avoid vague time terms like now or current - use things like As of 2011 or as of December 2011 instead
Avoid trivia sections
Please make sure that the existing text includes no copyright violations, plagiarism, or close paraphrasing. For more information on this please see Wikipedia:Wikipedia_Signpost/2009-04-13/Dispatches. (This is a general warning given in all peer reviews, in view of previous problems that have risen over copyvios.)

Hope this helps. If my comments are useful, please consider peer reviewing an article, especially one at Wikipedia:Peer review/backlog (which is how I found this article). I do not watch peer reviews, so if you have questions or comments, please contact me on my talk page. Yours, Ruhrfisch _><>°^° 05:10, 12 December 2011 (UTC)[reply]