Wikipedia:Peer review/His Band and the Street Choir/archive2
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This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've recently brought this article to GA status and was wondering what needs to be improved, to go for maybe FA. I have some more sources on recording, and can possibly add a "background" section if the article warrants it, but I'm not sure how to fit them in.
Thanks, Kitchen roll (talk) 17:35, 11 May 2010 (UTC)
Finetooth comments: This looks good, generally. I have a few suggestions for further improvement.
Lead
- "have led Morrison to think little of the album in later years, despite it charting well and receiving good reviews at the time of its release." - A bit awkward. Suggestion: "have led Morrison to think little of the album in later years even though it charted well and received good reviews at the time of its release."
Recording
- "Also returning from Moondance is the... " - Instead of shifting to present tense here, wouldn't it be better to stick with past tense, "was"? And then "sang" instead of "sing" later in this sentence?
Composition
- "The songs on the album have a free, relaxed sound to them, whilst the simple lyrics lack the level of poetry expected in Morrison's songs." - This sentence caught my eye because it's an exact duplicate of a sentence in the lead. "While" is preferred to the archaic "whilst". I'd rewrite the sentence in the lead rather than simply cloning this one.
- "Its next recording featured in the first His Band and the Street Choir session... " - Maybe "occurred during" rather than "featured in"?
- "In the version of the song released on His Band and the Street Choir Morrison and John Platania duet on acoustic guitars, whilst the drummer, Dahaud Shaar, doubles up on bass clarinet." - Doesn't make sense as written. Do you mean "play a duet"? Also, "whilst" should be "while".
- "The lyrics of both "Crazy Face" and "Going Around with Jesse James" mention American outlaw Jesse James, which suggests a similar theme." - I can't be sure what "which" refers to in this sentence.
Packaging
- "The gatefold photos of Morrison surrounded by the group of musicians with their wives and children were taken by David Gahr at a party for Planet's son from a previous relationship, Peter." - I think I'd rewrite this in active voice and move "Peter" next to "son" rather than "relationship". Suggestion: "David Gahr took the gatefold photos of Morrison surrounded by the group of musicians with their wives and children at a party for Planet's son, Peter, from a previous relationship." Also, should "gatefold" be linked or explained?
- "These photos were dismissed by the singer as 'rubbish'... " - Active voice? "The singer dismissed these photos as 'rubbish'... "?
- Blockquotes are generally four lines long or longer. This one is only three lines long on my computer screen.
- I would unlink "musician". It's too common to need a link.
Chart performance
- "However this was mainly because of the sampler single "Domino",[30] which reached #9 on The Billboard Hot 100,[31] and is Morrison's highest charting single as a solo artist (as of 2010), topping his 1967 hit "Brown Eyed Girl", from the album Blowin' Your Mind!." - Too many clauses for one sentence, perhaps. I'd suggest re-writing as two sentences.
Critical response
- Jon Laundau is linked here but appears above this in the "Chart performance" section.
- "A few more numbers with a gravity of 'Street Choir'... " - Did he write "a gravity"? I was expecting "the gravity".
- "Robert Christgau took a more critical approach to the album by calling it "a less compelling album than Moondance" and as containing a "few humdrum cuts and an occasional minor lapse of taste", but nonetheless gave the album an "A-minus", which he later upgraded to an "A"." - This sentence seems a little too complex as it stands. Two sentences perhaps?
References
- I would try to add the place of publication to the books in the list that have the publisher but not the place. WorldCat is a good resource for this kind of hunt.
Images
- You won't have trouble convincing reviewers that one fair-use album cover is OK, but you will probably have trouble justifying two. The one of the band is more interesting and informative, I think, than the one of Morrison alone.
Other
- The alt-text tool at the top of this review pages shows that the images need alt text, meant for readers who can't see the images. WP:ALT has details.
I hope these suggestions prove helpful. If so, please consider reviewing another article, especially one from the PR backlog at WP:PR. That is where I found this one. Finetooth (talk) 00:18, 19 May 2010 (UTC)
- Right I think I've corrected everything per your suggestions. I'm not sure how to do the alt text thing, as the images seem to be quite complicated; the first is two images blurred together and the second has a lot going on in it, with a lot of people. Also do you think the size of the article is sufficient for Featured article status? Thanks Kitchen roll (talk) 09:26, 19 May 2010 (UTC)
- Length as such isn't one of the FA criteria. What you have to decide is whether the article is "comprehensive: it neglects no major facts or details and places the subject in context" and whether it is "well-researched: it is a thorough and representative survey of the relevant literature on the topic." As for the alt text, I think the best approach is to imagine a blind person whose only notion of the images will come from a machine that reads your alt text out loud. I would keep the alt text fairly simple; don't attempt to describe every detail or to add any information (such as people's names) not included in the image itself. Something like "Seven long-haired young men in casual clothes sit close together, look forward, and smile." Hope this helps. Finetooth (talk) 16:50, 19 May 2010 (UTC)
- Thanks for your help! I'll have a go at the alt text thing and see what they say at FAN; I suppose the worst they can do is ask me to change it. Kitchen roll (talk) 16:56, 19 May 2010 (UTC)
- Right I'm nominating it for FA. Kitchen roll (talk) 17:27, 19 May 2010 (UTC)
- Thanks for your help! I'll have a go at the alt text thing and see what they say at FAN; I suppose the worst they can do is ask me to change it. Kitchen roll (talk) 16:56, 19 May 2010 (UTC)
- Length as such isn't one of the FA criteria. What you have to decide is whether the article is "comprehensive: it neglects no major facts or details and places the subject in context" and whether it is "well-researched: it is a thorough and representative survey of the relevant literature on the topic." As for the alt text, I think the best approach is to imagine a blind person whose only notion of the images will come from a machine that reads your alt text out loud. I would keep the alt text fairly simple; don't attempt to describe every detail or to add any information (such as people's names) not included in the image itself. Something like "Seven long-haired young men in casual clothes sit close together, look forward, and smile." Hope this helps. Finetooth (talk) 16:50, 19 May 2010 (UTC)