Wikipedia:Peer review/History of Bombay under Portuguese rule (1534-1661)/archive1
- A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for May 2009.
This peer review discussion has been closed.
A Short article. Help on adding more contents will be appreciated.
Thanks, KensplanetTC 07:14, 23 May 2009 (UTC)
Review
[edit]Arrival of the Portuguese
[edit]- During the arrival of the Portuguese, suggest At the time of the arrival of the Portuguese,
- and was an archipelago, suggests that it then ceased to be an archipelago.
- Between 1513-14, they requested Sultan Bahadur Shah to allow them build a fortress at Mahim. What was his response?
- the Portuguese were constantly prowling about Bombay for the ships of the Gujarat Sultante {{WP:Weasel]] words.
- During 1528-29, Lopo Vaz de Sampaio seized the fort of Mahim from the Gujarat Sultanate, when the King was at war with Nizam-ul-mulk, the emperor of Chaul. Which king?
- Clarified. It has to be Sultan Bahadur Shah. KensplanetTC 14:23, 3 June 2009 (UTC)
Accession of the islands to the Portuguese
[edit]- Sultan Bahadur Shah had grown apprehensive of the power of Humayun Who is Sultan Bahadur Shah?
- It has been adequately mentioned in the "Arrival of the Portuguese" section, that he was the ruler of Bombay during the Portuguese arrival in Bombay. KensplanetTC 14:25, 3 June 2009 (UTC)
Development of islands
[edit]- Suggest breaking up the paragraphs as this is a little bit dense.
- and in 1548 by the Dominion order established in Goa in 1545, do you mean Domincan?
- You are right. Its Dominican Order. KensplanetTC 14:28, 3 June 2009 (UTC)
- After the British gained possession of in 1661, it was believed to be anglicised to Bombay from the Portuguese Bombaim. Implies that that was what was believed at the time, which is not what I suspect what you wish the sentence to mean.
- In 1554, during the viceroyalty of Pedro Mascarenhas, the seven islands of Bombay were leased to Garcia de Orta, a Sephardi Jewish Portuguese physician and botanist, for a yearly rent equivalent to about £85 sterling. all the other rents were in pardoos and rupees, conistency is best.
- He also mentioned several accounts of the islands and the people living in Bombay during his time. Clumsy phrasing, who did he mention them to?
- During his regime, as regards the population of the island, Bombay was composed of seven villages subordinate to two cacabas (kashas) or chief stations, at which customs-duty was levied. As regards? - clumsy phrasing.
- They collected the rents of the King and of the inhabitants and their estates, and were also merchants. Which king are we talking about here?
- A few Muslims of less mixed descent were living in Mahim, but the bulk of the followers of Islam belonged to the Konkani Muslim community. What does of less mixed descent mean? Some of this phrasing suggest WP:Plagiarism.
- A prominent merchant among them was Ralph Fitch from London. They mentioned that Bassein and Thana were tading in rice and corn on a small scale. They mentioned? Plagiarism? Certainly unclear.
- The immense natural advantages of Bombay aroused the cupidity of the English who recognized its value as a naval base - aroused the cupidity - weasel words.
End of Portuguese rule
[edit]- In 1652, the Surat Council of the British Empire, what is the Surat council?
Lead
[edit]- Broadly OK.
Overall
[edit]- I recommend a thorough copy-edit, rendering into in plainer English. Too much appears to have been copied wholesale from the MAHARASHTRA STATE GAZETTEERS or only slightly paraphrased. When referencing would be better to mention the volume and chapter so that sources can be found in the online version. I haven't checked the refernces in detail, but seem broadly OK, subject to the caveat mentioned above. Images seem OK, St Michaels Chucrh image might need explanation as it appears to be a modern buidling. Hope this helps. Jezhotwells (talk) 01:28, 3 June 2009 (UTC)