Wikipedia:Peer review/Hit 'Em Up/archive1

Hit 'Em Up

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This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I would like it to reach FA status. I believe it is an important cultural topic; I did very prematurely bring it to FAC on the day that I moved it from userspace. The points raised during that discussion I have addressed, excluding some minor prose issues.

Thank you, Theornamentalist (talk) 17:47, 2 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]

CrowzRSA comments

2Pac (real name Tupac Shakur) I'm not sure this is the best wording. Perhaps just remove "real name". I saw that was brought up in FAC, but I have never seen that before.

Removed "real name".

Link "produced" (record producer)

Linked.

"Hit 'Em Up" was written[2] and recorded in Can Am Studios in Los Angeles, California in May 1996.[3] Why is there a reference randomly placed after "was written"? This also goes against MOS because references should generally go after punctuation.

Addressed; one reference said written, the other recorded.

Dramacydal and Outlawz are the same group, and should be noted as the same name to be consistent.

Fixed.

Los Angeles, California should be linked.

Added.

New Jersey should be linked.

Added.

Is there no last name for 'Tiffany'?

The book I read made no mention of her last name, although I did not have full view of the text. Her inclusion in the article was brought up during FAC, I thought it relevant to his lifestyle, along with the information about his assistant getting involved with his other female associates.

or at least had advance knowledge he would be robbed and shot insert "that" inbetween "knowledge" and "he".

Added.

although it did not mention Shakur's name he felt it was mockingly directed towards him insert comma after "name".

Added.

Lyrically, the song was aimed primarily at The Notorious B.I.G. since it was just talking about "Who Shot Ya?", specify it was "Hit 'Em Up", not just "the song".

Fixed.

Ref 12 should go at the end of the sentence after ref 8

Moved.

A reference is needed directly after quotes.

Do you mean that there should be a ref after the quote, instead of at the end of the sentence, making "Biggie, remember when I used to let you sleep on the couch?" and their subsequent fallout.[15] incorrect?

Chino XL also came under fire "came under fire" is poor English

changed to "was also insulted.

There is inconsistency between the uses of ". and ."

changed all occurrences to ."

Link Slauson Avenue

Added.

Link Fox Hills Mall (Westfield Culver City)

Added.

Put ref 33 at the end of the sentence and remove the comma between "Mall" and "in"

Done.

Shakur had already had enough, so he fired her "already had enough" is not professional wording

changed to "had grown wary of her"

the release of "Hit 'Em Up" Evans Comma before "Evans"

Added.

That's all I see right now. Also, it's nice to see another 2Pac article attempting to achieve a higher status. I recently nominated Me Against The World for GA and was passed. If this is to fail FAC again, I strongly suggest that you or someone else nominate it for GA. CrowzRSA 03:28, 9 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you CrowzRSA. - Theornamentalist (talk) 04:25, 9 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]