Wikipedia:Peer review/Honolulu High-Capacity Transit Corridor Project/archive1

Honolulu High-Capacity Transit Corridor Project

• A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for January 2009.

This peer review discussion has been closed.
The article has managed to make it to GA status, so I'd like to see if there's anything significant that needs to be fixed for it to have a shot at making FA.

Thanks, Musashi1600 (talk) 14:42, 20 January 2009 (UTC)

Comments from Dabomb87 (talk · contribs) The biggest need for this article is a comb-through by a copy-editor and someone familiar with the manual of style. Some examples:

• Redundancy and wordiness:
  • "The project itself would construct an elevated"
  • "and was able to restart"-->and restarted
  • "Governor Lingle has also proposed using the tax for the state's benefit" What else would the state use it for?
  • "Mayor Hannemann has strongly criticized the proposal,[27] as have Managing Director-designate Kirk Caldwell and the city Department of Transportation Services director Wayne Yoshioka."-->Critics of the proposal include Mayor Hannemann, Managing Director-designate Kirk Caldwell and the city Department of Transportation Services director Wayne Yoshioka.
  • "The city is currently accepting public comments on the DEIS until February 6, 2009."
• Awkward sentence structure:
  • "The charter amendment regarding it passed" The noun + -ing sentence structure is ungrammatical and awkward.
  • "Rolling stock to be used on the line would be similar to light rail systems" False comparison, you are comparing rolling stock to light rail systems, try: "Rolling stock to be used on the line would be similar to that of light rail systems"
  • "The project itself would construct an elevated rapid transit line from the edge of Kapolei, near the site of the planned University of Hawaii-West Oahu campus, through communities along southern Oahu to downtown Honolulu via Salt Lake, terminating at Ala Moana Center." Rather long.
• MOS
  • MOS:BOLD, why are all those terms bolded in the background?
  • MOS:DASH, train routes should have en dashes. Items separated by dashes that have internal spaces should have spaced en dashes. Example: "2012: West Loch-Pearl Highlands"-->2012: West Loch – Pearl Highlands (notice the code in the edit window).
  • WP:PUNC, punctuation should be outside quotation marks unless it is part of the quote. Example: "referendum on rail transit."
  • Delink the dates in the references.

Hope these comments helped. Dabomb87 (talk) 18:41, 25 January 2009 (UTC)

I've fixed the above problems. If there's anything else, I haven't caught it. Musashi1600 (talk) 00:18, 26 January 2009 (UTC)

OK, just keep in mind that those were examples. The whole article needs scrutiny. See WP:PRV for potential copy-editors, and I recommend that you read User:Tony1/How to satisfy Criterion 1a. Dabomb87 (talk) 22:48, 27 January 2009 (UTC)