Wikipedia:Peer review/Hook Me Up (song)/archive1

Hook Me Up (song)

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I have expanded it and I would like to nominate this article for "Good Article" status. What else needs to be done?

Thanks in advance, DonEd (talk) 08:26, 21 October 2011 (UTC)

Comments by Bradley0110

This is article is a good start - it covers all the major aspects of the subject without leaving too much out. As it stands, the weakest part of the article is the writing and grammar. In a lot of places you could cut down the amount of words and still achieve the same understanding.

• Background and composition
  • "The single was influenced by the synth-driven songs of underground bands in Los Angeles, with The Veronicas telling PerthNow that they wanted to take that sound and make it their own." Firstly, "with" is a ferociously ugly word in this context and the sentence should be recast to something more free-flowing. Secondly, even though the Wikipedia article is titled "synthpop", you should still go with the original source and call it "electropop" (which is used in the lead anyway). Thirdly, "make it their own" is just... urgh. I have images of Louis Walsh... A better construction would be something like "The single was influenced the electropop songs of underground bands in Los Angeles, whose sound The Veronica's were keen to incorporate into their own music."
  • "In an interview with Music Remedy The Veronicas explained the inspiration for the song." They are talking about the album in the interview rather than the song. As they have the same title, you could extend their interpretation to the song title, but that would be synthesis.
  • "In an interview with OK! Magazine Jessica explained further about the song. She said," This can easily be condensed down to "Jessica explained the meaning behind the song as,"

• Reception
  • This section has a good cross-section of critical opinion and is nicely grouped into areas such as sound, lyrics and chart performance.
  • There are a lot of square brackets in this section. If the quotes need adapting that much to fit in the article then they should just be paraphrased instead.
  • Can further reviews from more publications be added?

• Music video
  • "The Veronicas pushed for a school revolt storyline to Speer" Who?
  • "The music video was directed by Scott Speer". Oh. He should be linked in the first instance.

• References
  • Copyright status needs to be looked at with some of the links; there are non-official Youtube channels and magazine cuttings hosted on fansites in there.

• The article is clearly modelled on other GA- and FA-class song articles, which is good. In its current state this article probably would pass through GA. To take it further you will need to work on the prose. Take my examples above as a starting point and look for other overly wordy areas that can be cut down. Bradley0110 (talk) 17:53, 5 November 2011 (UTC)