Wikipedia:Peer review/Hurricane Cindy (1959)/archive1

Hurricane Cindy (1959)

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I've listed this article for peer review because I would like to bring it to FA status. Please put extra emphasis on prose and word choice!

Thanks, HurricaneFan 25 16:51, 9 November 2011 (UTC)[reply]

"Few major impacts were caused by Cindy in Canada. Most impacts in Canada" - that redundancy stood out to me right away.

Fixed. HurricaneFan 25 20:24, 9 November 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Could you find out what allowed it to intensify over land to a TS? It reminds me of Gaston 04 and Danny 97 in that regard.

Doing... HurricaneFan 25 20:24, 9 November 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Couldn't find anything - most likely its presence close to the Atlantic led it to strengthen to an extremely weak TS. HurricaneFan 25 20:39, 9 November 2011 (UTC)[reply]

--♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 20:13, 9 November 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Brianboulton comments: I'm picking up a few minor issues, and will leave a list shortly. Generally it looks in pretty good shape. Brianboulton (talk) 10:10, 22 November 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Here's the list:-

"Hurricane Cindy was a hurricane..." Unnecessary statement of the obvious.
The verb "to impact" has a different meaning from "to impact on". The former means to force objects closely together, the latter means "affected". It is the latter meaning that's relevant here.
"Re-curved" is a term I've only seen in hurricane articles. What is its plain meaning?
"One driver was killed in Georgetown, South Carolina, when they collided with a fallen tree"; The connection between "one driver" and "they" is awkward (it recurs in the main text). It can be avoided thus: "One driver was killed in Georgetown, South Carolina, after colliding with a fallen tree".
I'm not sure that the statement "Overall damage from Cindy was minimal" is appropriate when it precedes a paragraph describing six deaths, thousands evacuated and significant storm damage. Maybe "Structural damage from Cindy was minimal."?
"USD" not required. In an article about America, $ can be assumed to be USD
An anticyclone—or a large mass of air moving clockwise..." Is the "or" necessary? It's not an either...or situation.
"It is believed that the depression intensified..." Believed by whom?
"The Congaree River rose dramatically near Columbia during the hurricane, where rainfall totaled 5.82 inches (148 mm),[20] although some reliable unofficial sources state the figure to be 15 inches (380 mm)" If the unofficial sources were "reliable", isn't it of some concern that they were so widely different from the official figures?
Use a consistent method of recording times. In the article we have "00:00 UTC", "11:50" and "1:40 pm"
"five indirect deaths" - suggest rephrase. The deaths themselves were not "indirect".
"was sunk" → "sank"

I hope these comments are helpful Brianboulton (talk) 11:51, 22 November 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for the comments. I took the liberty of fixing most of these. Auree ★ 03:41, 23 November 2011 (UTC)[reply]