Wikipedia:Peer review/Japan Airlines/archive1
| Toolbox |
|---|
This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I want it to be upgraded to FA status. At the moment there are no airline articles listed under Featured Article. If this article gets promoted, it can be used as a model for other airline articles.
Thanks, Sp33dyphil (Talk) (Contributions)(Feed back needed @ Talk page) 02:33, 15 December 2010 (UTC)
Finetooth comments: As I noted when I reviewed Emirates (airline), which you also submitted for review, you are not among the main contributors to the article. That's OK, but I'm loathe to spend a lot of time reviewing unless I feel fairly certain that someone will make use of my comments. Quite a few of the things I said about the Emirates article also apply to this one, though this one is considerably more advanced. If you have to choose one or the other to push toward FA, this would be the one.
- The lead and first several sections of the article seem highly polished and well-organized. The middle sections devolve into lists in several places and need work. Further down, the "Services" section might have unnecessary detail. Reader fatigue is a factor in articles this long, and I'm not sure all of the details about the fly-on program and its many levels and points is worth including. I think the article could be improved by finding places to trim and tighten.
- The list in the "Organization" section would be better as a straight prose paragraph. I would also merge some of the short paragraphs in this section.
- The Wikinews link in the "Bankruptcy" section probably belongs in "External links".
- I think the Wikinews template was devised to be placed in the article, not "External link".
Alliance, restructure and bankruptcy protection
- The link-checker tool at the top of this review page finds 11 dead urls in the citations. An article with dead links in its citations is not ready for FAC since some of its claims cannot be verified.
- Several of the last images displace edit buttons or overlap sections. MOS:IMAGES has advice about image placement.
- It depends on how wide your screeen is. Those with narrow monitors I think, will have no problems. Just change your the placement of your "Edit" button on your preferences page.
- Are the portal links in the "See also" section really relevant? Portals tend to be extremely broad.
- I don't think they're broad at all, except for the Tokyo portal.
I hope these suggestions prove helpful. If so, please consider reviewing another article, especially one from the PR backlog at WP:PR; that is where I found this one. I don't usually watch the PR archives or check corrections or changes. If my comments are unclear, please ping me on my talk page. Finetooth (talk) 00:11, 31 December 2010 (UTC)
Sorry for keeping everyone waiting. I was working on South African Airways, but I do keep an eye out for Emirates and Japan Airlines. Please don't worry about your comments falling on deaf ears, because they're not. Once again, I'm sorry – I'll start waorking on JAL now. Sp33dyphil (Talk) (Contributions)(Feed back needed @ Talk page) 02:35, 31 December 2010 (UTC)
Done
Check the "References" to find and fix the incomplete ones like citations 83 and 96.
- File:JAL 737-800 JA302J.jpg displaces the "Restructuring plans" head and should be moved.
- File:JAL Toy.jpg displaces a subhead and creates a text sandwich.
- It's removed because it doesn't help with anything.
- In places, the images create text sandwiches between them. They should be repositioned to avoid this.
- "It was claimed that its membership would be in the best interests of the airline's plans to further develop the airline and its strong commitment to provide the very best to its customers." - Who made this claim? If it was the airline, then active voice would be better. Suggestion: "Japan Airlines claimed that its membership in Oneworld would help it grow and to provide good service." Maybe it's not even worth using this sentence; it's the sort of thing you'd expect any service business to say.
- I'd suggest making the lists in the "Codeshare" section into prose paragraphs.
- It's common practice to list it.