Wikipedia:Peer review/Jimmy Speirs/archive1

Jimmy Speirs

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A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for June 2008.

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I'd like to try and get the article to GAN.

Thanks, Peanut4 (talk) 23:39, 29 June 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from ChrisTheDude (talk · contribs)

Looks excellent, just a few minor points:

Image is far too large and quality suffers as a result
"Glasgow Merchants Charity Cup" - apostrophe on Merchants?
- Good question. And I'm not sure. I've found Merchants, Merchant's and Merchants'. I'll try do some more in-depth research into this one. Peanut4 (talk) 19:25, 1 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
"But after just two seasons, the First World War broke out." - sentence fragment, could do with being merged with another sentence
"By 1901, the family had moved to nearby Govanhill, and Speirs worked as a clerk" - does that refer to him or his father?
"It was to be City's second season in the First Division following their promotion in 1907–08,[5] O'Rourke wanted to strengthen his side after the club narrowly avoided relegation in its first season in the top flight." - missing "and" or similar between 1907-08 and O'Rourke, alternatively maybe split into two sentences?
"However, it was the following season, when Speirs...." - no need for comma before "when"
"for the final at the Crystal Palace National Sports Centre" - at the time it was just called "the Crystal Palace"
"Speirs lifted the newly-made cup, which was made...." - I would say "which had been made"

Hope that helps, other than points I think it looks really good, and it's great to see such a well-developed article on a player from before the First World War..... -- ChrisTheDude (talk) 09:37, 1 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

- Thanks very much for your comments. I've managed to come across some more info, which will hopefully expand on this article even more. It certainly makes a difference writing about a pre-WWI footballer than modern day ones. Peanut4 (talk) 19:25, 1 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from Oldelpaso

I'd be comfortable with passing this as a GA as it already stands. Given the usual difficulty in sourcing an article on a player from this period it is very comprehensive. My only points are minor:

The word "just" is used on several occasions when not required. Try looking at each one and thinking "Would the meaning change if it was removed?"
Another grammatical one: the phrase "was to be" is used a few times. Usually the simple past tense of "was" suffices.
The part about conscription should be in the body as well as the lead.
- I've just added this before reading your comment. :-) Peanut4 (talk) 11:50, 5 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Looking at it again, I may have added a link incorrectly. Were Annandale a youth team? "Junior football" has a specific meaning in Scotland, boys teams are instead referred to a "juvenile".
- Again, I've just moved this wikilink to the next par. I think Annandale were a boys team (the source isn't totally sure either), so I've wikilinked it with Maryhill, which were part of SJFA. Peanut4 (talk) 11:50, 5 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Rangers finishing third the season after finishing fourth may have technically been an improvement, but even 100 years ago the Old Firm were expected to dominate, and third would have been viewed as failure. Oldelpaso (talk) 09:17, 5 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
- Apart from finding a citation to show third was a failure, I think I've done everything. Thanks for your review. Peanut4 (talk) 12:14, 5 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]