Wikipedia:Peer review/Jurassic World Camp Cretaceous/archive1

Jurassic World Camp Cretaceous

I've listed this article for peer review because I know that with the right improvements, this article could become a good one in the future. Remember, any suggestions help!

Thanks, Some Dude From North Carolina^{wanna talk?} 14:45, 15 January 2021 (UTC)

Comments by David Fuchs

Hello, I'll take a look over at this. Comments forthcoming this week. Der Wohltemperierte Fuchs ^talk 15:17, 29 December 2020 (UTC)

• For copyright and promotional reasons, we should restate the premise in Wikipedia's words instead of just having a regurgitated log line.

 Done Some Dude From North Carolina^{wanna talk?}

• Likewise, the use of quotations for cast descriptions is excessive.

 Done Some Dude From North Carolina^{wanna talk?}

• Prose could use some work throughout.

• In the plot, Late at night, a hidden drone is sent into Isla Nublar to record the dinosaurs, while an anonymous person hands over a flash drive to the drone.—Doesn't really seem like a drone has agency where someone could "hand over" a flash drive to it. Rephrase?

 Done Some Dude From North Carolina^{wanna talk?}

• Later on, you say which grows after her phone mysteriously disappears and I'm confused as to whose phone is disappearing, and whether the article is saying the dinosaur magically grew.

 Done Some Dude From North Carolina^{wanna talk?}

• While working, crew members were allowed to watch Jurassic World several times—this reads really strangely, implying that they couldn't watch Jurassic Park films normally.

 Done Some Dude From North Carolina^{wanna talk?}

• Likewise, Early on, the cast was forced to rerecord scenes in which they yelled—why are they being "forced"?

 Done Some Dude From North Carolina^{wanna talk?}

• It's odd to me Glen Powell's role is mentioned in his caption, but no further details are present about casting details and the writing of said characters in the article body itself.

 Done Some Dude From North Carolina^{wanna talk?}

• The Marketing section devolves into "On date X, Y" which is boring and tedious to read. Rephrasing it will make it much more pleasant.

 Done Some Dude From North Carolina^{wanna talk?}

• Why does the LA Times review get a whole block quote for his opinions, and everyone else doesn't?

I tried copying the style of other GA-articles, more specifically, the Better Call Saul episode "Uno".

In this case I don't think following that article's lead is the right choice. Pull quotes by their nature convey special consideration on the text. It's not like the LA Times review is particularly novel, and there's no real reason to give them a higher weighting. It feels purely decorative and unnecessary. Der Wohltemperierte Fuchs ^talk 16:05, 6 January 2021 (UTC)

 Done Some Dude From North Carolina^{wanna talk?}

• Given the topics covered and number of reviews, I think the section should be reorganized to focus on parts of the production and said parts' reception, versus just listing a bunch of critics and their opinions on everything, one after another.

I think the reception section is already pretty organized. Paragraph 1 (P1) is an overview, P2 is more about styles/designs, voice cast, and reviews on the show's characters, and P3 is centered around the show's general story.

The problem is it doesn't read that way. The second paragraph is just a listing of critic's scores and then pull quotes, instead of summarizing the reception in aggregate. I recommend reading WP:RECEPTION for some pointers.

 Done Some Dude From North Carolina^{wanna talk?}

• It seems like it'd make more sense to stick the details about the second season after reception.

Could you elaborate on what you want done?

To me its weird we discuss a second season before we've discussed reception of the first, ergo move the deals about the second season to a section after reception. Der Wohltemperierte Fuchs ^talk 16:05, 6 January 2021 (UTC)

As the second season has just been released, this is no longer necessary. Some Dude From North Carolina^{wanna talk?} 22:29, 22 January 2021 (UTC)

--Der Wohltemperierte Fuchs ^talk 23:12, 1 January 2021 (UTC)