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Wikipedia:Peer review/Juwan Howard/archive1

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This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I have added a lot of new content that could use a second opinion as it winds its way up the quality queue towards GAC and FAC.

Thanks, TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 03:21, 26 May 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Finetooth comments: This looks comprehensive to me, well-illustrated, well-sourced, neutral, and stable. I have two kinds of qualms: (1) further proofing is needed to eliminate the last of the typos and small errors; (2) it would be good to explain or link technical jargon like "double double" to try to reach as wide an audience as possible.

Lead

High school

  • "Entering his junior year, some sources listed Tom Kleinschmidt as the number one junior in the state." - Ambiguous. Suggestion: "When Tom Kleinschmidt entered his junior year, some sources listed him as the number one junior in the state."
  • "He had subpar performance against King High School in the Public League semifinals.[18] The Chicago Tribune named him as a second team All-State selection." - To avoid choppiness stemming from several short sentences in a row, perhaps you could combine these two, thus: "Although his performance was subpar against King High School in the Public League semifinals,[18] the Chicago Tribune named him as a second team All-State selection."
  • "After his junior year, he was one of ten Illinois player invited back to the Nike All-American Camp at Princeton." - Should be "players" rather than "player". At this point, I'll stop fixing or pointing out tiny nit-picky errors and simply suggest one more careful proofing to catch typos and their cousins.
I'm glad to help in a limited way, but I don't have time to do a complete c/e or proofing. You might find a proofreader via WP:PRV or else trade proofing favors with another editor. I think you are right about GA, and I hope you can get this up to FA. Finetooth (talk) 05:27, 4 June 2010 (UTC)[reply]

College career

References

Other

I hope these suggestions prove helpful. If so, please consider reviewing another article, especially one from the PR backlog at WP:PR. That is where I found this one. Finetooth (talk) 02:02, 3 June 2010 (UTC)[reply]