Wikipedia:Peer review/Kirkcaldy/archive5

Kirkcaldy

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I've listed this article for peer review because i need a bit of help. Since the failed nomination for FA back in July of last year, a partial copy-edit of the article has been completed. This is of the first three sections, consisting of history, governance and geography. I have been advised by another user that other sections such as economy, culture and landmarks require this too, as well as giving me suggestions on these three sections. I took this advice and both the economy and landmarks sections have been cut back. Although i would still like to add statistical details for the town such as localised GDP on the economy section, i believe the info is not avaliable. Other than that, i am still aiming for FA.

Thanks, Kilnburn (talk) 20:14, 13 March 2012 (UTC)[reply]

I'll do this. --Noleander (talk) 20:47, 12 April 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Begin Noleander comments

Italic disambig hatnotes at top: Combine the top two into one hatnote. Maybe even try to get all 3 into one.
Lead seems to be missing some links, such as Adam Smith College... try to add more.
Wording: "However, the burgh .." - It is almost always a bad idea to start a sentence with "However", especially at the start of a paragraph. Re-word, or merge with prior paragraph.
Missing word? "The town the advantage of its east .." - missing something there.
"only twelve ships in its harbour, six of which were owned by townsfolk." - who owned the other ships?
"The centre of medieval Kirkcaldy may have been located at the corner of Kirk Wynd and the High Street." - May help readers if you say "Historians are not certain where the centre ..., but some have speculated ..." or similar.
Arithmetic: "18.8% were married couples living together, 35.5% were one-person households, 7.9% were co-habiting couples and 10.1% were lone parents." - that does not add up to 100%
" Other important economic sectors in Kirkcaldy's economy.." - should remove redundant "economic".
Wording: "Kirkcaldy's town centre, which serves a large catchment area of around 130,000 residents ..." - I've never seen catchment used in that sense before; double check to make sure it is okay (it may be fine)
Wording: "However, these plans are in serious doubt, following news ..." - the phrase "serious doubt" doesnt sound very encyclopedic; too colloquial.
Clarify: " play in the Scottish Football League First Division ..." - readers would benefit if you said "played in the second-highest Scottish FL, the ..."; they may get misled since "First" implies it is the topmost league
Define terms: "The oldest church in Kirkcaldy is the Category B listed ..." - Since you use Category A/B/C several times, you should define it so readers can understand. E.g. "The UK historic sites committee has designated the church as a Category B .." (I'm just making that up .. you get the idea).
Wording: "The first grammar school was Kirkcaldy Burgh School ..." - First in the world? in Scotland? In town?
Wording: "Adam Smith College who have..." - Probably better as Adam Smith College which has ..."
Less puffery: "Kirkcaldy is the birthplace of many notable people such as the .." - Try "Kirkcaldy is the birthplace of the .."
Wording: "such as a swimming pool, the ice rink, and .." - should be "an ice rink"
Define: " with flagstones covering small burns running ..." - I hate to sound like an ignorant Yank, but what is a burn? Define (or link to Burn (landform)) for the reader.
Link: "traffic along Kirkcaldy's High Street, ..." - Since "High street" is used several times in the article as a generic noun, you should probably link to High street so non-UK readers can get the definition.
The article contains a few erroneous external links. Use this tool: dead link finder to see them.
Wording: "A new £15 million leisure centre to replace Kirkcaldy Swimming Pool is to be built on the site of the existing ..." - better to say "is being built", or "is planned to be built" or " is under construction with a planned completion date .."
Explain source: "Taylor and Márkus ..." - it is okay to name a source like that, but you should indicate to the reader why they are an authority that is worth naming. Something like "Scottish historians Taylor and Markus have analyzed ..." etc.
Final note: It looks like a fine article, with some great pictures. I see you already nominated it once for FA, and it was not promoted. You appear to have fixed all the citing/sourcing issues; so the key (and hardest) task is the prose/grammar/flow. That is not my strong suit. I'd recommend that you implement the suggestions above (at least the ones you agree with :-) then get one more editor who is a great copy-editor to make one more pass; then go to FAC. To get a copy-editor: either post it again here on PR (after waiting 14 days); or look for a volunteer from the Guild of Copy Editors. Good luck!

End Noleander comments. --Noleander (talk) 20:49, 12 April 2012 (UTC)[reply]