Wikipedia:Peer review/Macaroni Penguin/archive1

Macaroni Penguin

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A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for November 2008.

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review for general critique and edits and to improve the general quality of the article. This article is a part of the WikiProject:Ap Biology. Thanks, --LNG123 (talk) 20:53, 17 November 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Okay, after a quick look over.

Overall there is an inconsistency between caps for the species name, used sometimes, not others. One should be settled on, and WP:BIRD preferentially uses caps ( see Wikipedia:Manual of Style#Animals, plants, and other organisms).
the lead is a good summary of the article, but needs some wikilinks. Actually, wikilinks are needed throughout.
They are usually distinguished by yellow and black plumes on the top of their heads. distinguished from what? Several penguin species have yellow plumes, don't they? Distinguishing features separate something from everything else, so this needs to be changed to say that they have them or clarify what separates them from other penguins
mention in the lead their distribution, even if it is brief.
The species is listed as vulnerable, so it would be worth discussing the threats and conservation of the species.

There is more, which I'll get to with a more thorough review. Coming on nicely though. Sabine's Sunbird talk 23:30, 20 November 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Additional Commentary by JimmyButler

Enormous amounts of specific information (numerical data) without any effort to provide citations. I highly recommend as you add content - cite the source. Going back and randomly shot-gunning citations that may or may not contain the information that you propose to attribute is a very dangerous strategy. The only credibility this article and Wikipedia has as a whole; is the accuracy of the citations. --JimmyButler (talk) 02:44, 4 December 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Review by Wronkiew

"Like all penguins, they cannot fly, and their and wings are stiffened and flattened into flippers for a marine lifestyle." Extra "and". Also, lifestyle is a word generally applied to humans, not birds.
"They dive to depths up to 100 meters, but most dives for food are usually under 6 meters in depth." Redundant.
"Not much is known about macaroni penguins outside of their breeding patterns." It seems from what I have read so far that quite a bit is known about them besides their breeding patterns.
"The Macaroni Penguin was described in 1837 by German naturalist Johann Friedrich von Brandt." Was this in a book? If so, what was its title?

Comment - While sometimes interesting, this isn't usually required. Sabine's Sunbird talk 07:58, 25 November 2008 (UTC)[reply]

You might want to split part of the Taxonomy section into a new one called "Discovery".
The taxonomy section could use some expansion. What are some other related species? How many species are known in its genus? What are the defining characteristics of its genus?
Some of the content in "Description" should be moved to Taxonomy for the reasons described above.
The reference to Yankee Doodle should come after the penguin's crest has been completely described.
The description section could use an image.
Do Macaroni Penguins moult? Does their appearance change from young to adult?
"There are a minimum of 216 breeding colonies at 50 sites, including southern Chile, the Falkland Islands, South Georgia and the South Sandwich islands, the South Orkney and South Shetland Islands, Bouvet Island, the Prince Edward and Marion islands, the Crozet Islands, the Kerguelen Islands, the Heard and McDonald Islands, and very locally on the Antarctic Peninsula." This sentence is too long. Categorize the islands, and break up the categories into separate sentences.
Reference numbers should go right after the period at the end of the sentence, without a space in between.
"There is a greater population of males, which is why females breed at a younger age." Avoid starting a sentence with "there" unless it is referring to a specific place. In this case, "there" is a placeholder for a missing subject in the sentence. This can be rewritten as "Females breed at a younger age because the male population is larger." It says the same thing in 12 words instead of 16.
"It allows females to select more experienced males as partners and they can usually find a partner from amongst the surplus of males, as soon as they are physically able to breed." Not immediately clear what "it" refers to. The "and" needs a comma before it, as this is a compound sentence. "Amongst" is overly formal, also the sentence would read better if it was removed.
"A fertile macaroni penguin will lay 2 eggs each breeding season, which is unusual among other species of penguins who lay only 1 egg." Spell out numbers below 10.
"It is often ignored by the penguin and quite often eaten by predators, including other larger birds such as gulls skua gulls." Huh?
"The smaller egg may also be lost to fighting among in the penguin colony." Just "in" will do.
"Incubation, or keeping the egg warm, is done by both the male and female in long shifts." The "or" makes it sound like these are different concepts. Also, starting with "incubation" forces the rest of the sentence to be a little awkward. Maybe rewrite as "Both the male and female penguins keep the egg warm in long shifts, a process called incubation." Or you could assume the reader knows what incubation is and just wikilink it.
Everything mentioned in the article lead must by explained somewhere later in the article. For example, the number of penguins should be explained in the "Distribution" section.
An appropriate lead section for this article's length should be two paragraphs.
There are some interesting things explained in the article which do not show up in the lead, for example, the penguins' predators, their geographic range, and their migration patterns. Conversely, there are some details in the lead that do not help the reader to understand why this penguin is important or interesting, like the depth of their dives.
You should study the article about Emperor Penguins in detail. It was promoted to FA status, and it covers a similar subject.

That's all for now. Let me know if you have any questions about my comments. Wronkiew (talk) 23:19, 22 November 2008 (UTC)[reply]