Wikipedia:Peer review/Malcolm X/archive1

Malcolm X

This peer review discussion has been closed.

A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for January 2009.

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I think the article is almost ready to be nominated for Featured Article consideration, but I'd like a fresh pair of eyes to review it.

Thanks, — Malik Shabazz (talk · contribs) 22:31, 27 January 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Finetooth comments: A very nice job indeed and one that I enjoyed reading all the way through. I wouldn't think you'd have a lot of trouble with this one at FAC. I have only a few suggestions for improvement.

Lead

"while giving a speech in New York". - No need to link New York here since it's linked in the second paragraph.

Early years

"Three of Earl Little's brothers died violently at the hands of white men, including one who had been lynched." - I know you don't mean one of the white men was lynched. Suggestion for clarity: "Three of Earl Little's brothers, one of whom was lynched, died violently at the hands of white men."
"Louise had her youngest son, Robert Little, several years after her husband's death by an unnamed partner." - Suggestion for clarity: "Several years after her husband's death, Louise had her youngest son, Robert Little, by an unnamed partner."

Young adult years

"After some time in Harlem," - Suggestion: "Living in Harlem,"
"military physicians classified him to be" - Maybe "as" instead of "to be"
"to "steal us some guns, and kill us crackers". - It would scan better as "steal us some guns, and kill us some crackers". Does the quoted passage have "some" before "crackers" maybe?

Nation of Islam

"(See Beliefs of the Nation of Islam below.)" - It's unusual to have this kind of internal reference in an encyclopedia article. I'd suggest removing it.

Meeting Castro and other world leaders

The Manual of Style generally frowns on one- and two-sentence paragraphs. The two possible solutions are expansion or merger. The two paragraphs in this section could easily be merged.

Africa

I'd recommend combining the second paragraph in this section with the one below it.

France and the United Kingdom

Here I'd combine the first paragraph with the second.

Responses to assassination

The photo that bumps into the subhead should be moved up a bit or to the right side of the page.

Allegations of conspiracy

The orphan paragraph at the end should be merged with paragraph above it. It will lose some of its dramatic effect, I realize, but encyclopedia articles tend to avoid drama.

Malcolm X House Site

The Manual of Style advises against repeating the words of the article title in the heads and subheads. Better here would be "House site".

Malcolm X and Dr. Betty Shabazz Memorial and Educational Center

Sections this short are generally deprecated. I'd suggest merging it with Malcolm X House Site" and re-naming the new section "House site, memorial center" or something else relatively short, maybe just "Memorials". Even the streets might fit here as well.

Works

I'm not sure why this section is here. The Notes and References seem to cover everything.

Images These seem fine to me, as do the licenses, including the one fair-use license.

I hope these suggestions prove helpful. If so, please consider reviewing another article, especially one from the PR backlog. That is where I found this one. Finetooth (talk) 04:39, 1 February 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you for your review. I'll make the changes you suggest. — Malik Shabazz (talk · contribs) 05:02, 1 February 2009 (UTC)[reply]

The "Works" section includes all the books of Malcolm X's speeches, some of which aren't used as sources. Do you think it's overkill? — Malik Shabazz (talk · contribs) 22:09, 2 February 2009 (UTC)[reply]

No, not overkill. I zoomed through those lower bits and didn't see that "Works" referred entirely to Malcolm X's work. Maybe "Work" or "Published work" would make its intent unmistakable. Finetooth (talk) 01:02, 3 February 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for the suggestion. — Malik Shabazz (talk · contribs) 19:40, 3 February 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Comment by Doncram I'm not saying you have to include this, but doesn't there exist a prominent quote by Martin Luther King, Jr., about Malcolm X, basically along the lines that there may be a role for the way Malcolm X was going, although that was not MLK Jr's way? Currently the article does mention Malcolm X being skeptical about the March on washington. Perhaps this quote, if you can dig it up, provides a useful perspective from MLK about MX. Very nice article. I visited here, by the way, partly to see how expert Finetooth does a peer review. I am more of an amateur at peer reviewing. Thanks! doncram (talk) 07:13, 1 February 2009 (UTC)[reply]

This may be the quote you're referring to:

He is very articulate, but I totally disagree with many of his political and philosophical views-at least insofar as I understand where he now stands. I don't want to sound self-righteous, or absolutist, or that I think I have the only truth, the only way. Maybe he does have some of the answers. I know that I have often wished that he would talk less of violence, because violence is not going to solve our problem. And, in his litany of articulating the despair of the Negro without offering any positive, creative alternative, I feel that Malcolm has done himself and our people a great disservice. Fiery, demagogic oratory in the black ghettos, urging Negroes to arm themselves and prepare to engage in violence, as he has done, can reap nothing but grief. [1]

I'm not sure it really fits neatly into the article, but I added it to Wikiquote. — Malik Shabazz (talk · contribs) 20:25, 1 February 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks, yes, I guess that is the quote I recalled. Interesting to read. It's a well-put, big perspective comment about MX, and perhaps it would be worth adding to the article somehow, although i can understand it might not fit in naturally to the article as written now. Perhaps just within a footnote? Or not. Anyhow, thanks very much for finding the quote and putting it into Wikiquote. doncram (talk) 18:02, 2 February 2009 (UTC)[reply]

I added it as a footnote to Malcolm X's criticism of the March on Washington. — Malik Shabazz (talk · contribs) 22:07, 2 February 2009 (UTC)[reply]