Wikipedia:Peer review/Marianne Bachmeier/archive1

Marianne Bachmeier

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I've listed this article for peer review because… This article receives a lot of views per day (almost a top 25 article) and it will be wise to make sure it is up to Wikipedia standards. I have spend time improving the article and would like a second opinion and how to make it better Thanks, FuzzyMagma (talk) 14:15, 2 February 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from Z1720

Comments after a quick skim:

*Lede can be expanded so that it is a summary of the whole article.

~~Suggest expanding the article using more sources from WP:LIBRARY, Google Scholar, Archive.org or your local library system.~~

~~WP:VIDEOLINK has an example format of how to cite video links. I suggest using this to clean up the YouTube references.~~

I hope this helps. Z1720 (talk) 20:29, 4 February 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Done Thanks FuzzyMagma (talk) 14:23, 5 February 2023 (UTC)[reply]

You are probably going to hate this, but the lede is too long now! For the length of the article, I recommend 2-3 paragraphs. WP:LEDE will give some guidance.
Titles in the references should not be in all caps, but rather in sentence case.

Hope this helps. Z1720 (talk) 02:49, 23 February 2023 (UTC)[reply]

@Z1720 thanks alot for taking the time to have another. These comments are very helpful. I would appreciate if take a look and see if Lede is appropriate now. FuzzyMagma (talk) 10:53, 23 February 2023 (UTC)[reply]

The second paragraph of the lede is a little weird because it is stating facts that are qualitative. Who stated that Anna was treated as an adult and did not have a pleasant life? This should be included in the lede. There are other instances in the article where qualitative information is presented as fact, like "Marianne was a troubled adolescent with a dictatorial stepdad." For the article to be in Wikivoice, the article should probably state who says this (as reported by the mother, according to a report, etc.)

The "Murder of her daughter" section might be too long, as much of the information is about the crime and not Bachmeier. Why is it important for the reader to know this information to understand Bachmeier's biography? The reader needs to know that Anna was killed, but why does the reader need to know in this article that, "In 1976, he voluntarily submitted to chemical castration, though it was later revealed that he underwent hormone treatment to try to reverse the castration."

Hope this helps, Z1720 (talk) 15:18, 23 February 2023 (UTC)[reply]

@Z1720 on the last point, the whole article is about the incident. She won’t be known if it wasn’t for the whole incident and it’s good to provide context. Maybe the article should be titled “Shooting at Lubeck court” or something similar FuzzyMagma (talk) 15:52, 26 February 2023 (UTC)[reply]

It might be better to move the article, as it will allow you to keep the information about the incident. If it stays as a biography, then information not directly pertaining to Bachmeier should be kept to a minimum. Z1720 (talk) 02:00, 27 February 2023 (UTC)[reply]