Wikipedia:Peer review/Mario Domm/archive1
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This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I want to take it, at least, to Good Article status. Thanks, Jaespinoza (talk) 05:11, 1 January 2011 (UTC)
Finetooth comments: This is a good start. I have a few suggestions for further improvement.
- In the infobox, "1993– " might be better than "1993–present". Words like "today", "current", and "now" will mean something different in a couple of years than they do in January 2011. When Domm retires, the second part of the date can be filled in.
- Would it be possible to add an image of Domm?
- Would it be possible to include a fair-use sample (.ogg file) of a song?
Lead
- "Born and raised in Torreón, Coahuila," - Would it be useful to work "Mexico" into this description? Maybe Torreón, in the Mexican state of Coahuila?
- "Born and raised in Torreón, Coahuila, he enrolled in various performing arts schools and was first exposed to singing and performing on stage." - This sentence seems a little odd as well as doubtful. He must have heard singing before he went to these schools. Suggestion: "Born and raised in Torreón, Coahuila, he enrolled in various performing arts schools, where he studied singing on stage." Or something like that.
Early life and career beginnings
- "Unfortunately was not as successful as expected." - This sentence is incomplete. It lacks a subject.
Forming Camila
- "Domm declared about the album: "we... " - Maybe "Domm said, "We... "?
- "Domm said: "we wanted people... " - Capital W if the quoted sentence starts with a big W.
Personal life
- "Domm recognized through a publication in Twitter and without using names, that he was still in love with Yuridia and that he hurt his ex-girlfriends, Belinda and Irán Castillo." - Is the source for this reliable? Is a Twitter message reliable? Does gossip belong in a Wikipedia article? Is Latin Gossip a reliable source?
I hope these suggestions prove helpful. If so, please consider reviewing another article, especially one from the PR backlog at WP:PR; that is where I found this one. I don't usually watch the PR archives or check corrections or changes. If my comments are unclear, please ping me on my talk page. Finetooth (talk) 18:59, 5 January 2011 (UTC)