Wikipedia:Peer review/Nappytabs/archive1

Nappytabs

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I just did a major rewrite to it and it needs a good copy edit/grammar check. Please help. I would appreciate it.

// Gbern3 (talk) 15:11, 2 August 2010 (UTC)

Ruhrfisch comments: Thanks for your work on this interesting article, here are some suggestions for improvement, with the assumption that you will eventually try for WP:GA or even WP:FA.

• Any review proicess like WP:GAN or WP:FAC will ook at the images. I am not sure that the article meets WP:NFCC for its use of multiple WP:FAIR USE images.
  • The Nappy tabs logo seems justifiable as a fiar use image to me, but I would discuss it in the text and not just the caption.  Done
  • The magazine cover and image from the music video shoot both seem to me to fail NFCC #1, which reads in part "Can this non-free content be replaced by a free version that has the same effect?" and "Could the subject be adequately conveyed by text without using the non-free content at all?" If the answer to either is yes, the non-free content probably does not meet this criterion.) While it is not replaceable, I do not see how a simple description in the text could not convey the same information. The reader already knows what they look like from the free infobox image, so the magazine cover seems solely for illustration. The video and artist and his Tshirt are not explicitly discussed in the text that I could see. I think that they would both not be seen as valid fair uses.
  • Could the infobox image be cropped so there is less background and more of them? Ask on my talk page if you do not know how to do this. As it is, their faces are pretty small in the picture.  Done
• The language is decent, but could use a copyedit - unfortunaltely I do not have time for one (PR is more a place to have problems pointed out, than it is to fix them). One thing I noticed is lots of sentences with verb plus ing. For example in the lead: After moving to Los Angeles in 1999, they began back-up dancing for musical artists, teaching at both dance studios and conventions, and choreographing for professional sports' dance teams. Many reviewers at FAC will strongly object to constructions like this. It could also read somethimg like After they moved to Los Angeles in 1999, they were back-up dancers for musical artists, taught at both dance studios and conventions, and were choreographers for professional sports' dance teams. I am not sure of the possessive apostrophe on professional sports either.  Done
  • Removed apostrophe, working on the [verb]-ing.
• I know biographies often do not include the birth dates again after the lead, but since this is the biography of two people, I would include their birth dates.  Done
• Are they really Filipno and Italian (which implies they are immigrants to me at least) or are they Filipino American and Italian American?  Done
  • Since there are separate parameters in the infobox for nationality (American) and ethnicity (Filipino/Italian), I left it as is; however, I changed the ethnicity links to the Filipino American and Italian American articles.
• Although this is generally nicely cited, some places still needs refs. For example It is very rare for them to work apart or this He was later joined by his wife Tabitha and they are now permanent faculty members. In addition to Monsters of Hip Hop, they still teach classes at The Edge Performing Arts Center. (and do we really need to be told again that Tabitha is his wife?) My rule of thumb is that every quote, every statistic, every extraordinary claim and every paragraph needs a ref.  Done
  • Done, except for It is very rare for them to work apart because the entire article proves this statement to be true. They work together on everything. All of the sources I've used (except for the two about Tabitha's fitness DVDs which she did sans Napoleon) mention both of them.
• Internet refs need URL, title, author if known, publisher and date accessed. {{cite web}} and other cite templates may be helpful. For example current ref 17 is just "Guest Choreographers". http://www.xtremedanceforce.com/directors/guestchoreographers.asp. Retrieved 2010-07-28." and needs the publisher. See WP:CITE and WP:V  Done
• I also am not sure that all of the sources used are reliable sources, but I am not an expert on dance so I do not know. This would be a potential issue at GAN or FAC especially.
• Under Critical reception, would it make sense to have a subheader "So You Think You Can Dance" and then have the seasons be subheads under that?  Done
• A model article is useful for ideas and examples to follow. There are many FA biographies that may be useful models, but I do not know of any of a couple.
• The WP:MOS says that numbers under ten are usally spelled out (Season seven, not Season 7)  Done

Hope this helps. If my comments are useful, please consider peer reviewing an article, especially one at Wikipedia:Peer review/backlog (which is how I found this article). I do not watch peer reviews, so if you have questions or comments, please contact me on my talk page. Yours, Ruhrfisch _><>°^° 16:56, 19 August 2010 (UTC)

Ruhrfisch, thank you so much for taking the time to review this. I will work on the verbs plus "-ing" in the article. //Gbern3 (talk) 18:53, 20 August 2010 (UTC)