Wikipedia:Peer review/Naruto/archive2

Naruto

Previous peer review

I've listed this article for peer review because it's a B class article with High Importance in the WikiProject A&M. I fixed a lot of broken references, and the over-linking. I'd like to have opinions. I think it could be an FA.

Thanks, 1989 (talk) 15:51, 22 January 2017 (UTC)

Comments from Aoba47

Before I provide my comments, I want to emphasize two things: 1) I have never worked on an anime or manga article. I have always wanted to do so, but just never found the time so I apologize if I miss obvious stuff regarding this and 2) I have never read or watched this and I am only familiar with the name so again I apologize if I miss something related to that. Anyway, here are my comments below:

• Please add an ALT description for the InfoBox image.
• Should you introduce Ninja World in the text of the "Plot" section somewhere. You have a link at the top of the section, but as someone who never has read or watched this, I had no idea what this was linking to before clicking on it. It may be helpful to say that this is the setting and provide a brief sentence on this.
• Do you have to specify in "inside his newborn son" to "inside the body of his newborn son"?
• I do not believe that the word crush needs a WikiLink, especially since that paragraph already has a lot of links and you want to avoid having a concreted amount of blue text in one spot.
• WikiLink Masashi Kishimoto in the first mention in the "Production" section as this is the first time you are mentioning this person in the body of the article.
• You repeat Kishimoto three time in close proximity in the first three sentences of the same section. Please change for variety (one instance can easily be replaced with an appropriate pronoun). You repeat the name a lot in this section so add variety as it makes all of the sentence structures appear too similar to one another.
• This may not be necessary for a GAN, but if you would like to take this up to FAC, I would highly recommend revising the "Production" section further. You appear to have all of the information you need (and there is a lot of very useful and insightful information here), but it appears to be a little too all over the place and would benefit from making it into a more cohesive narrative. For instance, the small fourth paragraph appears to come out of nowhere and does not really flow with the rest of the section and some parts seem to jump from one idea to the next without cohesion. Again, this is probably fine for a GAN, but for a FAC, it may need further work.
• It seems that the "Rock Lee & His Ninja Pals" needs expansion, especially in comparison to the previous sections. I would caution you against putting too much up, but a few sentences about its further broadcast and release would be beneficial.
• Since the original video animations deal directly with the Naruto anime, shouldn't the subsection dealing with it be placed directly after the subsection dealing with the Naruto anime?
• The "Media" section seems quite long. This is just a suggestion, but would it be helpful to separate the "Trading card game" and "Art and guidebooks" into a separate section called "Merchandise" or something along those lines?
• I would combine the third "paragraph" in the "Manga" subsection with something as a paragraph should not be two sentences long as that is far too short. Same goes for the last paragraph in this section.
• I always recommend using the following source 1 while structuring and revising "Reception" sections. Your section is fine as it currently stands, but just want to give you a helpful resource when revising this in the future.
• Avoid shouting in the reference titles (You should not put anything in all caps in reference titles, such as Press Release in Reference 60).
• This is not required for GAN or even FAC, but i would encourage you to archive your references so you do not lose your work in the future due to link decay.

@1989: Great work with the article! This is what I noticed from my first read-through. Let me know if you need me to clarify any of my comments. Aoba47 (talk) 17:07, 22 January 2017 (UTC)

@Aoba47:  Done For the last bullet, I may do that later, but not right now. Let me know if you find any more mistakes. -- 1989 (talk) 20:31, 22 January 2017 (UTC)

Comments from Tintor2

The articles Naruto Uzumaki and Masashi Kishimoto have some creation info that could be used in this article.Tintor2 (talk) 17:07, 23 January 2017 (UTC)

@Tintor2: Are you saying that the character development of Naruto should be included in the article? IMO, I don't think it's necessary since all of that info in the character's article, and this article mostly specifically talks about the franchise. -- 1989 (talk) 17:33, 23 January 2017 (UTC)

I thought that was importante since he explained how he conceived the idea of the colores. Also, he talks about how he planned the ending of the series.Tintor2 (talk) 18:13, 23 January 2017 (UTC)

@Tintor2:  Done However, the info regarding of how he does his drawings on the show is already in the article. -- 1989 (talk) 20:15, 23 January 2017 (UTC)

•  Comment: I made a request for someone to copyedit the page here. -- 1989 (talk) 13:25, 24 January 2017 (UTC)
•  Comment: I nominated it for GA. Let's see how it goes from there. -- 1989 (talk) 23:54, 25 January 2017 (UTC)