Wikipedia:Peer review/Noh/archive1
| Toolbox |
|---|
This peer review discussion has been closed.
I am editing this article as an educational assignment for my theatre history course, and I've listed this article for peer review for any suggestions on which sections require improvements the most. It'd be great if you could provide some thoughts on whether the "History" section needs more content. The article is still in development, and I plan to continue editing for another month.
Thanks, Decafespresso (talk) 05:30, 8 November 2014 (UTC)
Hi Decafespresso,
Your structure, format and appearance are great. The lead section states a clear overview of the article, and everything in detailed in the body. The sections are subsections are very well organized, and you have a lot of good links, both internal and external. Your images are great, and very well placed. They illustrate each section well. You have added a lot of good history, and it is clearly stated. There are a few little things that need clarification/ironing out, but the article is very well done.
Etymology- I found this section a little hard to read, and it took me a few times to figure out why. There could be a comma after "as time passed on" and after "except for Sarugaku." Breaking up the sentence will clarify what you are saying.
History-Is there a way to clarify Zeami's age when Yoshimitsu fell in love with him? I think Daniel Gerould in Theater, Theory, Theater says he was 12. "child actor" is a bit broad.
Masks- "However" in the 3rd paragraph isn't necessary. Also, I like the fact about rare Noh masks in private collections. Can you add a citation for that?
Props-In the first paragraph, you say "in either case," and it doesn't make sense to me. Do you mean the singers and musicians? Or maybe you mean "in both cases" or "in every case"?
- In the second paragraph, using "nevertheless" and "including one such" muddies your intention. Do you mean the sword and mallet are represented by a fan? It isn't clear.
*Perhaps using "set pieces" instead of "stage props" will clarify how hand props and stage props are different from each other a little better.
Audience Etiquette- instead of "there are seatings," you can say "is seating."
Influences in the West-Interesting section, but I'm unclear as to why and how these artists are/were influenced by Noh. Perhaps and explanation before the list will help.
I hope this helps. Deliirving (talk) 16:41, 14 November 2014 (UTC)
Hi Decafespresso,
I agree with Deliirving in that your structure is very solid. The outline provided at the beginning of the article is helpful to users who might only want certain information about Noh theater. The article is easy to following and understand as you read through all the sections and I appreciate all the links you have provided.
The area where I think you could improve upon is "Influences in the West". I think it is a good start that you have people listed who have been influenced by Noh, but I would like to know more. How were they influenced? Is there specific work that you can see aspect of Noh theater within/how is Noh represented in their work?
Also, a lot of the subsections are lacking references. I think for creditability, adding references/citations would continue to improve this article a lot.
It is nice that you have a fully flushed out section at the end with external links and further reading.
Overall it is a very comprehensive article and I think you are doing a great job with the edits. Jsattler07 (talk) 19:19, 17 November 2014 (UTC)
Nice work expanding this article. You could use more wikilinks though. It's safe to assume that a fair proportion of readers will have a limited knowledge about the topic. Terms like Sarugaku, Kyōgen, Sangaku and Dengaku all have Wikipedia articles about them; links could help readers who don't know much about this. Ian (Wiki Ed) (talk) 19:48, 17 November 2014 (UTC)