Wikipedia:Peer review/Oberon (moon)/archive1

Oberon (moon)

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A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for February 2009.

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because it has been expanded significantly and needs a review by somebody not familiar with the text before I nominate it for featured article.

Thanks, Ruslik (talk) 17:07, 28 February 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from Ealdgyth (talk · contribs)

You said you wanted to know what to work on before taking to FAC, so I looked at the sourcing and referencing with that in mind. I reviewed the article's sources as I would at FAC.
Current ref 11 is just a link title. Needs publisher and last access date. Also author and any other bibliographic information if known. Also, what makes this a relaible source?

Fixed. Ruslik (talk) 12:06, 6 March 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Hope this helps. Please note that I don't watchlist Peer Reviews I've done. If you have a question about something, you'll have to drop a note on my talk page to get my attention. (My watchlist is already WAY too long, adding peer reviews would make things much worse.) 02:43, 1 March 2009 (UTC)

Note the text says that the moon is dark and slightly red, and right near that paragraph there is the image of the moon predominantly light-blue. Try to add a note to the caption to clearly explain why in the picture is blue but it is not in reality. Also, I would merge the discovery with naming, and put all the short paragraphs in the name section in a single larger paragraph. Nergaal (talk) 04:55, 4 March 2009 (UTC)[reply]

I merged two sections. The image is not true color; it was enhanced to emphasize surface features. Ruslik (talk) 14:37, 4 March 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Another opinion

Hi,

Stumbled across this, and made some notes, then had edit conflict with the above, so apols for any duplication,

"This article is about the Uranus moon" - this phrase grates; perhaps "This article is about a

moon of Uranus" ?

"is the outermost of the major moons of the planet Uranus. " - I don't like the phrasing

(repetition of "of the"), and I think it might be better to just link to Moon|Natural satellite here, or maybe just Natural satellite, and link to the list of moons of

Uranus elsewhere - simply because it's not at all obvious that the word 'moon' will link to a

list of moons of uranus, rather than an explanation of the term.

'character' wikilinking to oberon is also a bit counter-intuitive; probably unnecessary to link

it; there's the 'other uses' at the top, and the links to the play. The link to 'Shakespeare' is

also probably unnecessary - it's not really related to this topic, so I think the link to the

play itself is ample.

I think (note 5) is probably not needed in the leed; those details could go into the body, thus

getting rid of the footnote.

Canyons/grabens - add a wikilink

The image in the box, "Click image for description" - I don't like that caption; I can

understand it (with the details in the image), but I think a short (if poss) description would

be better.

"He would later report " maybe change to "He later reported" for more consistent tense (&

"would" to "were")

"However" avoid starting sentence with "however", if poss.

"Oberon was derived its name" bad grammar

"Oberon was initially..." - does this really need 3 refs?

A link to explain roman numerals might be useful, somewhere in that part.

Orbit - this para repeats 'Oberon' 5 times, "orbit" 6 times and "uranus" 3 times; try to reword.

Units in km - please give conversion to miles (throughout the article)

"synchronous satellite, tidally locked" - 2 x wikilinks please

"directly impinged upon" - unless this language is technically required, consider simplifying,

perhaps "affected"? equatorial - wikilink

hemisphere - wikilink

"Composition and internal structure" - maybe 'internal' is redundant?

"The latter can include" change to "The latter could include"? (Because it's speculation)

What does 'sputter' mean?

wikilink 'organic compounds'?

"opposition surge" - I don't understand what this is

If it's generally red, why is the pic blue?

"transect" - wikilink

"subnebula" - wikilink

temperature in K, please give in C as well

-I haven't checked links, or looked at the structure (compared to other similar articles etc),

Hope this helps, of course it's all my opinion and in no way am I saying all these things must be done,

-- Chzz ► 20:18, 4 March 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for the review. Ruslik (talk) 09:49, 5 March 2009 (UTC)[reply]

I addressed the majority of them. Ruslik (talk) 12:00, 6 March 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Ruhrfisch comments: This seems well done and each time I look at it it gets better (actively being improved). Here are some suggestions for improvement, mostly language and context nitpicks.

The article on Titania says it was discovered by Herschel on the same day as Oberon. I would say this, and not the vaguer "Oberon was discovered by William Herschel on January 11, 1787; the same year he discovered Uranus's largest moon, Titania.[1][9]"
For context I would say early on that Uranus has 27 moons, 5 of which are large, and give the names of those in order. Otherwise when sentences like this occur, it is not clear to someone not already familiar with the moons and their names what Ariel and Umbriel are in "... William Lassell,[15] who had discovered Ariel and Umbriel the year before.[16]"
The language could be tightened up / polished a bit, so for example the same sentence I partially quoted above is " It and the names of all four satellites of Uranus then known, were suggested by Herschel's son John in 1852 at the request of William Lassell,[15] who had discovered Ariel and Umbriel the year before.[16]" and could be just " The names of all four satellites of Uranus then known were suggested by Herschel's son John in 1852, at the request of William Lassell,[15] who had discovered the other two moons, Ariel and Umbriel, the year before.[16]" or something similar.
Or "Of the large moons of Uranus, Oberon is the furthest from its planet" could be soemthing like "Oberon is the furthest of the large moons from Uranus." - this sentence could perhaps be combined with the one following it too.

Hope this helps. If my comments are useful, please consider peer reviewing an article, especially one at Wikipedia:Peer review/backlog (which is how I first found this article). Yours, Ruhrfisch _><>°^° 04:43, 6 March 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for the review, I think I fixed all problems you found. Ruslik (talk) 12:00, 6 March 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks to everybody. The peer review is completed. Ruslik (talk) 08:50, 17 March 2009 (UTC)[reply]