Wikipedia:Peer review/Oliver Fish/archive1

Oliver Fish

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A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for July 2009.

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I'm hoping to submit this new article for GA (and then who knows) and just wanted some feedback. Thanks, — TAnthony^Talk 23:14, 25 July 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Finetooth comments: This is generally clear, but it might not be possible to make it broad enough in its current configuration to achieve GA. The Patricia Mauceri incident is the only thing summarized in your two-sentence lead, and it's pretty thin material. Here are a few suggestions for improvement.

Rather than trying to make an article out of a single, fairly ordinary incident and a single soap-opera character, you might consider expanding this into an article about the entire series. That way you would be more likely to find reliable sources that discuss casting and production, and you might find critical reactions to the series. I often look to see what other editors have done with subjects I'm working on. You'll find a list of Good Article (GA) Wikipedia articles about television programs at WP:GA#Television and radio drama. Something there might give you ideas about how to proceed.

Lead

MOS:INTRO says in part, "The lead section should briefly summarize the most important points covered in an article in such a way that it can stand on its own as a concise version of the article." - The existing lead doesn't mention "Characterization" or "Storylines".

Impact and controversy

"TV Guide later quoted ABC VP of Daytime Programming Sue Johnson saying... " - WP:MOS#Acronyms and abbreviations says in part, "Write out both the full version and the abbreviation at first occurrence." For this reason, "VP" should be "vice president (VP)". In addition, "ABC VP of Daytime Programming" may be too many adjectives to string together in front of Sue Johnson. Suggestion: "TV Guide later quoted Sue Johnson, vice president of daytime programming at ABC, saying... ". Probably ABC is common enough that you don't need to spell it out, but you could if you wanted to.

MOS:QUOTE says in part, "A long quote (more than four lines, or consisting of more than one paragraph, regardless of number of lines) is formatted as a block quotation... " - For that reason, the quote starting with ""Soaps have a history of exploring social issues... " should be set off as a blockquote.

Characterization and portrayal

The quote beginning "I think there's definitely a conflict of interest there." is also four lines on my computer screen and might look better as a blockquote.

Storylines

"she is busy as a volunteer and has dismissed Fish as a geek... " - Wikilink geek?

References

Citations to Internet sources should include author, title, publisher, date of publication, and access date, or as much of that information as is available. Citations 9 through 20 lack access dates and publisher information. Since you use {{cite web}} for some of the citations, it would be good to use it for the rest.

I hope these few suggestions prove helpful. Finetooth (talk) 02:28, 31 July 2009 (UTC)[reply]

These are all great suggestions, and I will implement many ... the gay storyline itself is in its infancy, and I think that later there will be more notable material to give the article a wider scope more suitable for a GA. Thanks! — TAnthony^Talk 07:18, 31 July 2009 (UTC)[reply]