Wikipedia:Peer review/Our Children, Ourselves/archive1
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This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I hope this episode can become a good article
Thanks, NoD'ohnuts (talk) 02:53, 23 January 2011 (UTC)NoD'ohnuts
Finetooth comments: This is a good start, but the article needs more work to approach GA quality. I cleaned up some misspellings and other minor errors, and here are further suggestions for improvement.
- I'd try to find an image to add to the infobox. If none other is available, the Rajskub image would look good in that position.
Lead
- Somewhere in the first paragraph, I'd add the word, "television".
- "and received a 4.2 rating and a 10 percent share" - Link "rating" to Nielsen ratings#Ratings/share and total viewers? Otherwise, many readers will not know what these numbers mean.
- "It was written by Dan O'Shannon and executive producer Bill Wrubel and directed by Adam Shankman." - Suggestion: "Dan O'Shannon and executive producer Bill Wrubel wrote the episode, and Adam Shankman directed it."
Plot
- How old is Alex? What grade is she in?
- "Meanwhile the Hoffmans, a couple that Gloria (Sofia Vergara) and Jay (Ed O'Neill) met on a vacation, come to visit the Pritchetts much to Jay's chagrin." - I'm guessing that Gloria and Jay are the Pritchetts. If so, I think the sentence would be more clear if you made this explicit; e.g., "that Gloria (Sofia Vergara) and Jay (Ed O'Neill) Pritchett met... ".
- "He eventually tells them his true feelings not knowing that they were spending the night at their house." - Confusing. Whose house do you mean by "their house"?
- "In another storyline, Mitchell (Jesse Tyler Ferguson) and Cameron (Eric Stonestreet) bump into Mitchell's ex-girlfriend," - It's not clear from this plot summary that Mitchell and Cameron are gay. A bit more background is needed for readers who have never seen the earlier episodes.
Production
- "This episode was O'Shannon and Wrubel's second script collaboration, having co-written the episode, 'Airport 2010'." - Suggestion: "This episode was the second script collaboration by O'Shannon and Wrubel, who co-wrote the episode 'Airport 2010' ".
Reception
- "In its original American broadcast, "Our Children, Ourselves" was viewed by an estimated 11.12 million households and received a 4.2 rating/10% share making it the highest rated program on Wednesday." - Combinations like 11.12 million need a no-break code. WP:NBSP has details. Also, the ambiguous front slash should be replaced with words, and "percent" is preferred to "%" in most simple cases.
- "possibly because of Obama's speech on the 2011 Tucson shooting pushing the episodes timeslot by 20 minutes" - Is it necessary to repeat this here since it appears just above in the "Production" section? Would it be better if shortened to "possibly because of the 20-minute delay in its starting time"?
References
- The date formatting in the citations needs to be consistent.
- The all-caps parts in citation 1 should be changed to Wikipedia house style; i.e., "Mitchell Runs Into an Old... "
- The publisher is often listed near the bottom of web pages and is usually not the same as the URL. For example, in citation 2, Microsoft should be listed as the publisher rather than Tv.msn.com. Sometimes you can find the publisher's name by clicking through to the "Home" page or the "About us" page if it is not on the page you are linking to.
I hope these suggestions prove helpful. If so, please consider commenting on any other article at WP:PR. I don't usually watch the PR archives or make follow-up comments. If my suggestions are unclear, please ping me on my talk page. Finetooth (talk) 00:43, 31 January 2011 (UTC)