Wikipedia:Peer review/Para Siempre/archive2

Para Siempre

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A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for March 2009.

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I want a second opinion about it. It is already listed as a Good Article, but I want to take it to FA status.

Thanks, Jaespinoza (talk) 04:33, 7 March 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from Ealdgyth (talk · contribs)

You said you wanted to know what to work on before taking to FAC, so I looked at the sourcing and referencing with that in mind. I reviewed the article's sources as I would at FAC. The sourcing looks good.

Hope this helps. Please note that I don't watchlist Peer Reviews I've done. If you have a question about something, you'll have to drop a note on my talk page to get my attention. (My watchlist is already WAY too long, adding peer reviews would make things much worse.) 21:45, 7 March 2009 (UTC)

Finetooth comments: I did some minor copyediting, but the article could use a complete run-through by a skilled copyeditor. Here are a few other suggestions.

Lead

"Written and produced by Joan Sebastian, the album is one of the most successful mariachi records in recent times; it has sold over a million copies worldwide, receiving a gold certification in United States by the Recording Industry Association of America and a diamond accreditation in México by the Association of Producers of Phonograms and Videograms, becoming the biggest selling album by Fernández on this decade and also the responsible of bringing Mariachi music to a younger audience." - Too complex. Suggestion: Make two shorter sentences out of this one.

Album history

"according to Fernández's record label" - Wikilink record label on first use? - FIXED
"According to Fernández, the album was originally conceived as a banda album, and would be the first time that he records original music by Sebastian" - "was the first time that he recorded" instead of "would be the first time he records" since it already happened? - FIXED
"before this, in 1993, he included a cover of a song written by Sebastian titled "Verdad Que Duele" ("It Hurts") on his album Lástima Que Seas Ajena." - "Cover" is jargon that not all readers will understand. Maybe a brief in-text explanation would help. Or maybe linking to cover version would do it. - FIXED
"Vicente was not pleased" - Fernández rather than Vicente. - FIXED
"Vicente was not pleased with the idea of trading his classic mariachi style for banda, but accepted to record with Sebastian" - "he agreed" rather than "he accepted"? - FIXED

I hope these few suggestions prove helpful. Finetooth (talk) 16:36, 15 March 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Efe comments

"in recent times" in the next decade, this will be outdated or confusing. --Efe (talk) 00:24, 19 March 2009 (UTC)[reply]
"It has sold over a million copies worldwide, receiving a gold certification in" for those who are not aware how the certification goes or how much sales for the album to earn gold certification. The sentence implies that because of the one million sales, it has received gold certification in the US. --Efe (talk) 00:24, 19 March 2009 (UTC)[reply]
Inconsistent use of capitalization: "mariachi records" and "Mariachi music". --Efe (talk) 00:24, 19 March 2009 (UTC)[reply]
"Three of the album's singles reached the Top Ten on the Billboard Hot Latin Tracks chart: "Estos Celos", "La Derrota", and the title track" Dangling modifier? Seems like that the three tracks are charts. Perhaps a little reword or arrangement. --Efe (talk) 00:24, 19 March 2009 (UTC)[reply]
For the release dates, only the earliest should be included in the infobox per WP:ALBUMS. The rest goes to the prose. --Efe (talk) 00:39, 19 March 2009 (UTC)[reply]
"Para Siempre is the 79th album by Vicente Fernández; it was released in September 2007 in several countries." I think could be removed off the first section. --Efe (talk) 00:39, 19 March 2009 (UTC)[reply]
"to record songs with banda" perhaps change with to in or "to record banda songs". --Efe (talk) 00:45, 19 March 2009 (UTC)[reply]
"About the recording, Fernández told" told whom? Perhaps change told to said or any synonyms of that word. --Efe (talk) 00:49, 19 March 2009 (UTC)[reply]

I'll stop here. I have exams. If this don't get archived in the next week, perhaps I'll continue reading the article. Generally, its good, and as I have said, very neat. I hope these comments help you in improving the article. Good luck on FAC. --Efe (talk) 00:49, 19 March 2009 (UTC)[reply]