Wikipedia:Peer review/Patrick Kisnorbo/archive1

Patrick Kisnorbo

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A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for June 2009.

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I feel I need a bit of advice as I've never managed to get a GA before.

Thanks, Spiderone (talk) 15:09, 5 June 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Ruhrfisch comments: Interesting article, here are some suggestions for improvement.

Lead needs to be expanded per WP:LEAD. The lead should be an accessible and inviting overview of the whole article. My rule of thumb is to include every header in the lead in some way but his International experience is not in the lead that I saw.
DoneSpiderone (talk) 15:37, 17 June 2009 (UTC)[reply]
Nothing important should be in the lead only - since it is a summary, it should all be repeated in the body of the article itself but his ancestry and passport seem to only be in the lead.
DoneSpiderone (talk) 16:22, 15 June 2009 (UTC)[reply]
Avoid language which is unspecific about time. So in the lead I would say something like as of June 2009 he is unattached, having been released by Leicester City on DATE.
DoneSpiderone (talk) 15:37, 17 June 2009 (UTC)[reply]
Spell out abbreviations on first use, like NSL in which was competing in the now defunct NSL.[6]
DoneSpiderone (talk) 16:22, 15 June 2009 (UTC) for SPL too[reply]
Also per WP:OVERLINK do not link the same thing twice in two paragraphs - so the following section Hearts has Following the collapse of the Australian national league, he made his move with a link to the dab NSL for the league.
DoneSpiderone (talk) 16:22, 15 June 2009 (UTC)[reply]
Article is generally well cited, but statements like He returned just in time to help Leicester secure their promotion as League One champions. and much of the International section need more refs. My rule of thumb is that every quote, every statistic, every extraordinary claim and every paragraph needs a ref.
DoneSpiderone (talk) 16:33, 18 June 2009 (UTC)[reply]
Ref 40 is incomplete - internet refs need URL, title, author if known, publisher and date accessed. {{cite web}} and other cite templates may be helpful. See WP:CITE and WP:V
DoneSpiderone (talk) 16:22, 15 June 2009 (UTC)[reply]
Model articles are helpful for ideas and examples to follow. Wikipedia:WikiProject_Football#Assessment_department has a bunch of GAs of football players listed which seems like they would be good model articles.

Hope this helps. If my comments are useful, please consider peer reviewing an article, especially one at Wikipedia:Peer review/backlog (which is how I found this article). Yours, Ruhrfisch _><>°^° 21:26, 11 June 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Would this article be better than a Start? Spiderone (talk) 15:28, 14 June 2009 (UTC)[reply]

I do not normally write or assess sports articles, but I would rank this as a B class article. I think if the points raised above are ddressed it would probably pass GAN with some tweaks there. Ruhrfisch _><>°^° 00:39, 15 June 2009 (UTC)[reply]