Wikipedia:Peer review/Patti Smith/archive1
"History" section in biography is small. --The Watusi (talk) 23:43, 14 January 2008 (UTC)
Semi-automated review
[edit]Please add {{persondata|PLEASE SEE [[WP:PDATA]]!}} along with the required parameters to the article - see Wikipedia:Persondata for more information.[?] JS 08:26, 15 January 2008 (UTC)
- Done --The Watusi (talk) 04:17, 16 January 2008 (UTC)
- A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style. If you would find such a review helpful, please click here. Thanks, APR t 03:41, 18 January 2008 (UTC)
4u1e's comments
[edit]- Are the last two sentences of the first para of 'Early years' the right way round? She worked in a factory before or while at school?
- "In 1967 she left New Jersey for good, moved to New York City and met photographer Robert Mapplethorpe while working at a book store." Suggest the sentence should break after "City", and merge the rest into the next sentence: she didn't move there with the express purpose of meeting him, surely?
- The two music samples spread out of their box and overlap the text on my setup (Firefox v2 on Windows XP. 1280 x 1024 resolution).
- "However, several of its songs, notably "Pissing in a River", have stood the test of time," You might need a stronger ref for this, or a re-word to simply state that she still performs them.
- Ref 11 doesn't seem to support the text preceding it.
- Is it necessary to repeat "Sonic" at Fred Smith's second appearance?
- " Her son had a band called Back In Spades." This sentence doesn't seem to have any link to those before or after it, can a more suitable home be found for it?
- What is CBGB?
- "She took the stage at 9:30 p.m. (EDT) and closed for the night (and forever for the venue) at a few minutes after 1:00, after performing a medley of "Horses" and "Gloria", and finally her song "Elegie", while reading a list of punk rock musicians and advocates who had died in the previous years" Couple of things that confuse me here. Firstly, she was on for 3½ hours, but the sentence reads as if all she did in that time was a medley of Horses/Gloria/Elegie. Secondly, she performed Elegie while reading list of deceased punk musicians? If she wasn't singing, how was she performing?
- Are the last two paras of 'Re-emergence' too long in relation to the coverage of the rest of her career? Particularly in the last para, a lot of space is given to a single performance.
- "All the other inductees to the Hall that night joined: Sammy Hagar and Mike Anthony of Van Halen, the Ronettes, Grandmaster Flash and Furious Five and R.E.M. including Bill Berry on drums." This doesn't make sense. What is meant?
- 'Current events': reads like an advert. Can the tone be neutralised a bit?
- "Smith has been an active supporter of the Green Party" Is she still a supporter? If so suggest: "Smith is a long-time supporter of the Green Party."
- In general a good, informative article, which could be improved by some tightening up on referencing, and more precise use of words. Well, that's what I think, anyway. Cheers. 4u1e (talk) 18:21, 13 February 2008 (UTC)
- "Smith is perhaps most widely known for the song "Because the Night". I am not sure if "perhaps" here should be used.
- Three paragraphs in the lead, and the first first one stubby. Why not just two concise paragraphs?
- "She was influential in the birth of the punk movement with her 1975". You could link some music years: 1975.
- We do not know the names of her parents?
- "In 1988 she released album Dream of Life. In 1994 Fred Smith died. Shortly afterward ... " A bit choppy IMO.
- "She toured briefly with Bob Dylan in December 1995". Month-year not linked - month-year-date linked. Single years are only linked in special chronologies, such as x year in music. But here ("From March 28 to June 22, 2008 the Fondation Cartier"), where you should link, you don't! Read WP:MoS.
I enjoyed reading the article. Maybe some further expansion with more assessments of her music and style throughout the article would help.--Yannismarou (talk) 17:29, 18 February 2008 (UTC)