Wikipedia:Peer review/Pikachu/archive2

Pikachu

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This article has straddled the lines of GA, FA and fancruft on many occassions but it seems to be looking more promising than ever at present, although I will admit it reads rather "bumpily". If anyone could give advice on how to strike a balance between factual, knowledge and flowing then that would be helpful.

Thanks, IndigoSeptimus (talk) 00:04, 28 February 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Comments by MelicansMatkin

External links all look good, though I'd recommend archiving them using Webcite and the {{cite web}} extensions |archiveurl= and |archivedate=
Three disambiguation links are present; Ling Ling, Red (Pokémon), and Pokémon Mystery Dungeon. These need to be fixed.
Every single image needs Alt text, so that visually impaired readers can create a mental image of what they are supposed to be seeing. See the guidelines at WP:ALT for more information on this, and the Charizard and Mewtwo articles have examples of how to describe a Pokémon.
The fair-use rationale for File:Pokémon episode 1 screenshot.png needs work; how does the use of the image critically enhance a reader's understanding of the subject? Other image rationales look good.

References

A unified format needs to be used for the dates and accessdates in the references. Some use "2008-01-19" and others use "January 19, 2008". Use one or the other, but not both.
Speaking of which, the references themselves need work. There are an abundance of references which do not qualify as reliable sources. PokéBeach, Pojo, Pokézam, Pokémondungeon, and Pokémonelite2000 all fail via WP:SPS. These all need to be replaced.
The work should always be provided in the reference along with the author, title, and date. I see at least one instance where this is not the case (a New York Times article incidentally).
In one instance, Anime News Network is italicized; in the a second, it is not but it is linked. Only the first instance should be linked, and the format should remain consistant.
I'd recommend not citing those websites for Smash Bros. appearances; some (such as destar) may be unreliable. Cite the actual games instead (WP:CITET should have something that you can use for this).
References should be allocated for print sources that are used multiple times. In so far as I can tell, none of these are actually even mentioned in Notes. If they aren't being used they should either be removed or used to replace some of the unreliable sources. If they are used only once, they should go under Notes (as is the case with Pikachu's Global Adventure).

Lead

The lead should be a summary/overview of the rest of the content in the article. As a result, very little usually needs to be sourced in the lead. The information regarding its habitat should also be included under Characteristics, and the rest of the locations outside of forests also need to be sourced.
Since it's basically a mini-version of the article, the lead also needs to describe aspects of it's legacy.

Other sections

"In Popular Culture"; ~~I recommend renaming this section to "Legacy",~~ and merging the portion on Pikachurin into it. "In popular culture" sections come across as being trivial or fancruft by virtue of their name; "Legacy" better describes how the subject has endured in notability and importance.
Lots of statements need references; the whole anime section is covered by a single reference which is absolutely not good enough. References needed for the evolution (Raichu and Pichu), being the most popular Pokémon, illness from magnetic fields or an ability to discharge, sprites, etc. If it doesn't have a reference at the end and it's something a person completely outside of the fandom wouldn't know, it needs one to be added.
Outside of the lead there should be no repetition of information in the article. In two places it is mentioned that Pikachu was a Starter in Yellow; I'd recommend removing the sentence from concept and creation and keeping it instead in the video games part.
"Other Pokémon media" needs expansion; some info from Legacy could be shifted here. Likewise, I'd like to see more detailing Pikachurin. If it's that important to Pikachu's legacy, it should warrant more than two lines. Add as much to Legacy as you can; that's what defines why the subject (Pikachu) is notable, after all.
Much of the prose is very awkwardly worded. It needs a thorough copyedit and polishing.

MelicansMatkin (talk, contributions) 00:32, 28 February 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for those points. I knew about the unified date thing but the rest is new to me, 00:47, 28 February 2010 (UTC)