Wikipedia:Peer review/Pretty on the Inside/archive1

Pretty on the Inside

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I feel that after working on it for nearly a year, it has reached the point where it qualifies for Featured Article status. Unreliable sources have been eliminated, more reliable ones have been added, phrasing and general copy-editing has been done and re-done countless times, the article flows nicely, it is informative, and provides a well-rounded overview of the subject with input from various resources.

Thanks, Scottdoesntknow (talk) 00:49, 14 September 2011 (UTC)

Ruhrfisch comments: This reads pretty well - thanks for all your work on it, here are some suggestions for improvement.

• A model article is useful for ideas and examples to follow - assume you have already looked at some FAs on albums.
• The main concern I have looking at the article is the amount of WP:FAIR USE material included. There is one sound clip (which is fine for an article on an album), the album cover (again, pretty standard), and then the rest are more problematic.
• The guiding criteria here are in WP:NFCC. Basically any fair use media has to increase the reader's comprehension and not just be used as an illustration. File:HoleFirstSessionPromo.png to me is just used as an illustration - it is not really discussed in the article text that I can see and the band members are not even idetified in the caption. The band members are shown on the album cover, so what does this add to the article?
• The album art work is discussed more in the article, so that may be OK. Generally the more the article discusses fair use media, the better, especially if it is discussed in terms of critical reaction. The press kit cutout seems to only be discussed in the caption, that I can see - how does this meet NFCC?
• There are a few places that need references still -
  • The album was recorded over the course of four days and produced two newly-written songs, "Starbelly" and "Sassy", and recordings of songs that had rarely or never been performed live by the band, "Loaded" and "Good Sister/Bad Sister."
  • The album's closing track, "Clouds", is a musically and lyrically re-worked cover of Joni Mitchell's "Both Sides, Now", reduced to two chords accompanied by a wah pedal that give them an almost siren-like effect.
  • A great deal of religious imagery is also found in the songs.
  • but was never as popular as the band's later videos. For the music video, an alternate mix of the song by Gordon was used to eliminate profanity. Who says it was never as popular?
• Reading the lead it seems odd to mention the producers before the members of the band. When I think of Hole, I think of Courtney Love.
• I also found it odd that the lead did not mention all of the band members
• MOS says once a person is introduced using their full name just to use their last name after that (with exceptions for people with the same last name, or known by a name other than their last name). So just Love (not Courtney Love) etc.
• Some wikilinks seem unnecessary - does the average reader really need a link to wig, for example? See WP:OVERLINK
• Be careful that references back up everything important in the part(s) of the article they are used as refs for. For example current ref 30 is just "Pretty on the Inside (1991) artwork, Caroline Records". While I can see that an educated person could look at the artwork and see that it is "a chaotic assemblage of scribbled and typewritten lyrics, personal "thank you" notes, cutouts of Catholic and Renaissance artwork, as well as childlike drawings and storybook pictures juxtaposed with photos of women in bondage." although it would be much better if this could be cited to an independent third-party source. However I fail to see how the artwork itself can be used to justify this claim The interior artwork ... reflects the disturbing and raw nature of the music. Without a ref, this reads like personal opinion / original research.
• Please make sure that the existing text includes no copyright violations, plagiarism, or close paraphrasing. For more information on this please see Wikipedia:Wikipedia_Signpost/2009-04-13/Dispatches. (This is a general warning given in all peer reviews, in view of previous problems that have risen over copyvios.)

Hope this helps. If my comments are useful, please consider peer reviewing an article, especially one at Wikipedia:Peer review/backlog (which is how I found this article). I do not watch peer reviews, so if you have questions or comments, please contact me on my talk page. Yours, Ruhrfisch _><>°^° 13:48, 8 October 2011 (UTC)