Wikipedia:Peer review/Pulmonary contusion/archive1
- A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for May 2008.
This peer review discussion has been closed.
I'd like feedback from someone with medical knowledge, since I'm not a medical expert, there's a chance I've introduced errors. The pathophysiology section is probably especially in need of help. Of course any other feedback is appreciated as well. Thanks much, delldot talk 16:42, 3 May 2008 (UTC)
I'm just a medical student but have already reviewed some articles, so here are my concerns, suggestions:
- How do you mean this line? "Pulmonary contusion is one of the most important factors in determining whether an individual will die or suffer ill effects as the result of an injury" I would write ...is a crucial or essential factor... instead of "one of the most important".
- The actual wording in the article is, "It is one of the principal factors determining morbidity and post-traumatic mortality." What do you think of this wording? delldot on a public computer talk 01:08, 5 May 2008 (UTC)
- I believe these two sentences should be merged into one with one ref at the end: "The amount of energy that is transferred to the lung is determined in a large part by the compliance of the chest wall.[3] The younger a person is, the more compliant the chest wall.[3]"
- How about this? The next sentence said the same thing, so I just got rid of the second part. delldot on a public computer talk 01:08, 5 May 2008 (UTC)
- What about creating an infobox just like in case of Traumatic aortic rupture? There you could mention other valuable external links such as eMedicine.
- I wanted to, but none of the DiseasesDB or ICD things had a link for pulmonary contusion. Do you think I should link to something more general, like the emedicine link for chest trauma? delldot on a public computer talk 01:08, 5 May 2008 (UTC)
- ICD-9s 861.21 and 861.31 are for Lung contusion, with(.21) and without(.31) mention of open wound into thorax. Not sure on the ICD-10s, but something in the S20.1 to S30.1 range looks good for it. -Optigan13 (talk) 02:13, 18 May 2008 (UTC)
- Great, thank you so much! I chose S27.3 Other injuries of lung for ICD10, I think that was the closest there was. Yay, now there's an infobox! delldot on a public computer talk 05:14, 18 May 2008 (UTC)
- Otherwise, it's a well-referenced, well-written article. Nice job! NCurse work 19:00, 4 May 2008 (UTC)
- Thanks a ton for the review! Always good to hear from a medical student; they haven't forgotten everything yet! delldot on a public computer talk 00:27, 5 May 2008 (UTC)
PMID 17019186 might be helpful for the pathophysiology section. --WS (talk) 19:42, 17 May 2008 (UTC)
- Yes, that will be great! Thanks so much for finding that! delldot talk 21:56, 17 May 2008 (UTC)