Wikipedia:Peer review/Razing of Friesoythe/archive1

Razing of Friesoythe

I've listed this article for peer review because it is a brand new article, my first, and needs a good working over. My lousy referencing has already had a good overhaul (thanks Hohum), but I think that phraseology, especially NPoV, would benefit from outside eyes and it needs a different/additional map. Plus anything else I have missed.

Thanks, Gog the Mild (talk) 22:46, 28 January 2018 (UTC)

Comments from Eddie891

To start, here's a few hand-selected comments from the automatic tool. Ping me if I forget to personally comment later.

• Please expand the lead to conform with guidelines at Wikipedia:Lead. The article should have an appropriate number of paragraphs as is shown on WP:LEAD, and should adequately summarize the article.
• Watch for redundancies that make the article too wordy instead of being crisp and concise. (You may wish to try Tony1's redundancy exercises.)
  • Vague terms of size often are unnecessary and redundant - “some”, “a variety/number/majority of”, “several”, “a few”, “many”, “any”, and “all”. For example, “All pigs are pink, so we thought of a number of ways to turn them green.”

My personal comments to come on the morrow. Eddie891 ^Talk _Work 23:38, 3 February 2018 (UTC)

Comments

• "17-year old" should be "17-year-old"
• Suggest adding in a few more wikilinks to help readers unfamiliar with the subject and terminology - eg. paratroopers, Brockhaus Enzyklopädie
• FN20 has some odd formatting - should match other books. Nikkimaria (talk) 01:17, 5 February 2018 (UTC)

Comments from AustralianRupert: G'day, Gog, interesting article. Good luck with developing it further: AustralianRupert (talk) 07:53, 17 February 2018 (UTC)

• "Vokes then announced his decision. “I summoned my GSO1... ‘Mac,’ I roared at him, ‘I’m going to raze that goddam town. Tell 'em we're going to level the fucking place. Get the people the hell out of their houses first.’”": the quotes should be straight quote marks
• "included a 17-year-old youths with...": "a youth" or "several youths"
• " The town was defended by some 200 paratroopers of Battalion Raabe from the 7th German Parachute Division[5]": missing full stop
• I wonder about the heading "War Crime". I think it might be better as "Categorisation as a war crime", or something similar?
• in that same section, are there any other sources that you could use beyond Stacey that talk about the incident in relation to whether it was a war crime? This might help expand the section a little