Wikipedia:Peer review/Rings Around the World/archive1

Rings Around the World

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I've been taking various Super Furry Animals article to GA for the past few years and want to make this my first FA. Any help would be greatly appreciated to help get the article up to scratch.

Cheers, Cavie78 (talk) 13:16, 9 February 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Comment. As per WP:ALBUMS: "Professional reviews should no longer be included in the infobox, but be described in paragraph form in a "Reception" section." Tbhotch^{Talk2 Me} 03:55, 20 February 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Done

The reviews in the infobox are already described in paragraph form in the critical reviews section and, last time I checked, it wasn't mandatory to move them to a template but looks like things have changed. Don't agree with this personally but moved them nevertheless. Cavie78 (talk) 17:43, 21 February 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Ruhrfisch comments: , here are some suggestions for improvement.

The external link checker finds two dead links that need to be fixed (upper right corner) Done Y Cavie78 (talk) 10:53, 24 February 2010 (UTC)[reply]
The album cover and video art need alt text per WP:ALT Done Y Cavie78 (talk) 14:33, 23 February 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Per the MOS, dates usually do not have "st" or "th" after them, so should this ref be fixed? Animal Attractions". The Big Issue [Scottish ed.]. 21st-27th June 2001. Done Y Cavie78 (talk) 14:17, 23 February 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Could this be made a bit more emphatic - when I read it in the lead I thought it was more limited, so ...it was the first album [ever? in history? worldwide?] to be simultaneously released on both audio CD and DVD.
The second paragraph in the lead is almost all in past tense, except for this sentence Ex-Beatle Paul McCartney and former Velvet Underground member John Cale make cameo appearances on the album.
Per WP:MOSQUOTE, these should be double quotes, i.e. ", not single quotes ' in Critical reception was generally positive with the album being nominated for 2001's Mercury Music Prize and being awarded 'album of the year' by Mojo. Done Y Cavie78 (talk) 16:10, 23 February 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Add year here to provide context to the reader? Rings Around the World was the Super Furry Animals' first album for Epic Records following the [1999?] demise of their previous label Creation and ... Done Y Cavie78 (talk) 14:17, 23 February 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Could the month be added here too? The band moved to Bearsville Studios, New York [in MONTH] before returning to Monnow Valley some months later ...

I tried to look for a specific date the band moved to Bearsville but couldn't find it in any of the sources I have. Will add if I come across it though. Cavie78 (talk) 15:03, 23 February 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Watch WP:OVERLINKing - for example Gruff Rhys is linked 9 times in the article, usually once in the lead and the first time in the body of the article is enough (plus captions and tables if needed there)
This sentence is a bit long and confusing - it might help to identify Guerilla and Mwng as some of their previous albums, and the sentence might have to be split (perhaps after the first mention of Mwng?): Rings Around the World is "very cinematic" and falls somewhere between the "instantaneous, easy to grasp, and almost disposable" Guerrilla and its "exact opposite" Mwng [split here??] with the band applying the technology they used for the former and the simplicity of the latter, with "just the band playing in the studio".[3]

Is this better? - "Rings Around the World is "very cinematic" and falls somewhere between the Super Furry Animals' 1999 album, the "instantaneous, easy to grasp, and almost disposable", Guerrilla and its "exact opposite", 2000's Mwng. The band combined the technology they used for the former with the simplicity of the latter, with "just the band playing in the studio"." Cavie78 (talk) 15:16, 23 February 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Yes, much better, though how about ending the second sentence ...with the simplicity of the latter, which featured "just the band playing in the studio".? Ruhrfisch _><>°^° 20:48, 23 February 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Done

Thanks for your help here. Cavie78 (talk) 10:55, 24 February 2010 (UTC)[reply]

I fixed a few typos, but mostly read for comprehension, not proof-reading. I think it would help to have someone else proof read this or else put it aside for several days then look at it and read it out loud slowly.
In places it seems a bit quote heavy - not sure if this would be a problem at FAC or not, but it might help to paraphrase some of them quotes.
The prose is generally quite good, these are fairly minor quibbles. Hope this helps. If my comments are useful, please consider peer reviewing an article, especially one at Wikipedia:Peer review/backlog (which is how I found this article). I do not watch peer reviews, so if you have questions or comments, please contact me on my talk page. Yours, Ruhrfisch _><>°^° 03:59, 23 February 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for your comments Ruhrfish, working my way through them now. Cavie78 (talk) 14:17, 23 February 2010 (UTC)[reply]

You are very welcome - the dead links show up as red with the external link checker in the toolbox (top right). One is here and the other is here. You might see if they are archived at The Internet Archive or other such places. Ruhrfisch _><>°^° 20:48, 23 February 2010 (UTC)[reply]