Wikipedia:Peer review/Ruthie Henshall/archive1
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This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I would like to eventually take this article to GA status, and am interested in receiving feedback on what this article needs to bring it up to the GA level. I appreciate any and all constructive comments and suggestions.
Thanks, @Kate (talk) 06:56, 21 November 2009 (UTC)
Comments by Oncamera
[edit]These are just my thoughts. I have no idea about the person the article is about, so maybe as a "new reader" I can provide a different view.
You will probably want to find the exact pages to wikilink to:
- Annie
- Bernadette
- Marguerite
- The Woman in White
Overall the {{cite}} tags should come after the punctuation marks in a sentences; change reference 3 for example! Check the other references for the same edit. Also, find references for the Citation needed tag.
Biography I would suggest removing the header Biography and replacing it with Career instead. This article is already a biography and that seems redundant.
Career 1980s
- Ruthie Henshall trained at Laine Theatre Arts in Epsom, Surrey[1] before making her stage debut, at the age of 19, in the Cascade Review at the West Cliff Theatre in Clacton-on-Sea. This sentence structure doesn't seem to flow. Perhaps breaking it up? "Prior to making her stage debut at the age of 19, Ruthie Henshall trained at Laine Theatre Arts in Epsom, Surrey. Her debut performance was in the Cascade Review at the West Cliff Theatre in Clacton-on-Sea."
- Her West End Theatre debut came shortly thereafter when she was cast in Cats, making appearances as Jemima, Demeter, Griddlebone and Grizabella.[2] Shortly thereafter means? Being more specific when this happens helps the reader chronologically read the article.
1990s
- In 1992, at the age of 25, she was cast as Fantine in Les Misérables, though her first starring role wouldn't come until the 1993 trans-Atlantic transfer of the Broadway smash Crazy for You, with a score by George Gershwin and Ira Gershwin, opening at the Prince Edward Theatre. Change the word wouldn't to would not. Also, I think it would read better as two sentences.
2000 to the Present Change the header to 2000-present?
- Henshall was cast in the title role of the stage musical adaptation of the Francis Ford Coppola film Peggy Sue Got Married,[4] which opened in London in August 2001 to mixed reviews. Perhaps you can expand what sorts of review were given that made the musical close after two months. Seems like something that might interest the reader to read critical reviews of her performances.
- After Susan Boyle's appearance on Britain's Got Talent in 2009, Ruthie Henshall's rendition of "I Dreamed a Dream" from Les Misérables has become a YouTube hit with more than four million viewings.[11] This seems like trivia and probably doesn't need to be included.
Personal life You will probably want to make this a section that isn't a subsection of Career. It maybe better to have it go before her Career section so a new reader of this performer can read about her background before reading about her career.
Theatre Credits/Discography These sections will need more references.
Anyway, these are my suggestions for this article! oncamera(t) 04:19, 26 November 2009 (UTC)
- Thank you very much for the review! I'll implement your suggestions asap. :) @Kate (talk) 04:57, 26 November 2009 (UTC)