Wikipedia:Peer review/SS Edward L. Ryerson/archive1

SS Edward L. Ryerson

I've listed this article for peer review because I am thinking of making it a FAC. I would also like to receive feedback on how to improve its quality.

Thanks, GreatLakesShips (talk) 22:19, 1 January 2022 (UTC)

STANDARD NOTE: I have added this PR to the Template:FAC peer review sidebar to get quicker and more responses. When this PR is closed, please remove it from the list. Also, consider adding the sidebar to your userpage to help others discover pre-FAC PRs, and please review other articles in that template. Thanks! Z1720 (talk) 14:56, 2 January 2022 (UTC)

Comments from Rublov

• Lead
  • I recommend moving the second sentence of the lead (Throughout her career on the Upper Great Lakes, she has been laid up multiple times.) elsewhere and replace it with more important information, e.g. that the ship was one of the largest built for the Great Lakes at the time. The first paragraph should highlight why the ship is notable for a Great Lakes freighter.
  • Second paragraph is a little scrambled. It begins chronologically with the date of the ship's construction, then a couple of sentences about her physical characteristics (size, speed, appearance), then back to a chronological account of her sea trials and maiden voyage. I recommend moving some of the more important details into the first paragraph of the lead, and keeping the chronological information together.
  • Some of the details in the lead can be omitted, like the exact tonnage of her first load. (The tonnage of her record-breaking load can be kept since it is notable in its own right.) Also which was managed by Central Marine Logistics of Griffith, Indiana in the third paragraph.
  • The third paragraph says In 1998, Inland Steel was acquired by Ispat International N.V., but Inland Steel has not yet been mentioned so the reader cannot discern the significance of this fact.
  • The infobox image could be improved. It's a bit low res and the raised drawbridge behind the ship is distracting.
• History / Design and construction
  • Lots of parentheses in the sentence beginning Her hull has an overall length..., which makes it hard to parse. Perhaps the second part could be written — a length between perpendiculars... instead (with an initial dash instead of parentheses).
  • She has a gross tonnage of 12,170 tons and a net tonnage of 7,637 tons. — this seems to belong in the previous paragraph. Conversely, The first keel plate was laid on April 20, 1959. more likely belongs in the second paragraph.
  • Enthusiasts consider her to be one of the most aesthetically pleasing freighters ever built. — this is a potentially controversial claim which would be better supported if you included a quote from the source you cite.
• History / Career
  • there were rumours she would regularly be directed — In my opinion she was regularly directed is better; the conditional sounds off to me.
• Miscellaneous
  • Perhaps you could add a "See also" section.

I made a few minor edits to the article where it strayed from the Manual of Style. Please let me know if you have any questions. Rublov (talk) 15:42, 9 January 2022 (UTC)

@Rublov: I have removed the first highlighted sentence, since it has been made redundant. There is not much I can do about the image. Other than that, everything is done. GreatLakesShips (talk) 23:21, 10 January 2022 (UTC)

Okay, it looks good to me. Rublov (talk) 17:21, 14 January 2022 (UTC)

@GreatLakesShips: It's been a month since the last comment on this PR. I suggest posting a request on Wikiproject talk pages or messaging experienced FA writers in this topic. Are you still interested in receiving comments about this article? Z1720 (talk) 18:23, 14 February 2022 (UTC)

@Z1720: I am. GreatLakesShips (talk) 18:39, 14 February 2022 (UTC)