Wikipedia:Peer review/S Club/archive2

S Club

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A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for October 2008.

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because there have been some major changes and rewrites to the article since its last peer review and FAC nomination. I hope you can help me to work out some of its problems and get the article to an even better standard.

Thanks, »—Mikay—talk—contribs→ 17:41, 26 October 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Some notes:

no need to have lots of duplicate refs (first section in particular this occurs).
"However, the vice president of the Fox Family Channel stated..." A name would be nice.
"US media reported that S Club 7 were "The Monkees for the next generation"..." need a cite.
"The up-tempo "Bring It All Back" reached number-one..." It might be obvious, but not everyone will know what "number-one" refers to (and why the hyphen?) Following on from that "and was eventually made Platinum..." I don't know what Platinum is. Needs links.
"S Club 7 dolls were later released onto the market..." Onto? Into?
"were also launched furthering 19 Management's corporate aim..." What corporate aim?
"entered the UK charts at number-two..." Citation should be moved after punctuation.
"Their third single was a double A-side..." What's that? (Needs link)
Linking to UK Single Charts should be done in the first instance of it, and doesn't need linking again.

I only went up to the 1999–2000: Miami 7/S Club section, may come back later. – How do you turn this on (talk) 22:19, 27 October 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you for your comments and contributions. :) I've covered the small ones but I have a couple of questions. What is it your mean by duplicate references? Like multiple references per statement, or several sentences within one paragraph having the same reference but referenced after every sentence? Also, your last point, do you mean wikilinks within the article or linking to the UK Singles Chart in all the references there are? Thanks very much, I'll get onto the others. »—Mikay—talk—contribs→ 11:25, 28 October 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Yeah, I mean there's several sentences next to each other all having the same reference after it. You only need one; put it at the end after the last one. The last point, I mean, you only need to link it once, where it first occurs. I've just had some unexpected busy-time IRL, but I'm going to look through the rest of the article now (I'd say it's almost featured quality if that's what you're going for.) – How do you turn this on (talk) 16:30, 29 October 2008 (UTC)[reply]

"they felt gruelling schedules..." How can one feel a schedule?
Most of the last paragraph of the 1999–2000: Miami 7/S Club section needs rewriting. Sorry I can't be more specific; the sentences just don't read very well, and don't seem to flow well.
Why is 'British Breakthrough Act' in single quotes? Why quotes at all?
"uptempo" What's that? You used a hyphen last time.
"aired as the main theme tune to the second series..." Was there another theme tune?
""Reach" was released as a single in May 2000..." What about an exact date?
"It arguably became one of the group's most successful singles..." Who argues it?
What's "certified Triple Platinum"?
"It reached number-three in September 2000..." Number-three what?
"As well as performing for Children in Need, the band launched, on 25 September 2000, a new television series called S Club 7 Go Wild! which saw each band member support an endangered species." Whole sentence needs rewriting.
"S Club 7 Go Wild!" Is there an article that could be created, or linked to?
"It reached number-one in the UK charts..." Refs need to go after punctuation.
"Teaming up with the World Wildlife Fund, each member travelled to different destinations worldwide with a hope to raise awareness about the seven endangered creatures, including the Siberian Tiger and the Hyacinth Macaw." So each member travelled to several locations? Are there only seven endangered creatures in the world? Why only two examples?
OK, throughout, refs need to go after punctuation, not in the middle of a sentence (this is so I don't need to keep repeating myself).

Saving... – How do you turn this on (talk) 17:16, 29 October 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Not sure if there should be hyphens in "number-one" "number-nineteen" etc.
"After topping the UK charts" isn't really encyclopedic language.
PMS International could do with a link.
"However, this came to nothing..." Something just doesn't sound right there.
Throughout: refer to S Club as either a band or a group, not one or the other.

Connection is playing up, so saving here. – How do you turn this on (talk) 20:22, 29 October 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Throughout: British dates needed on British article.
"as well as a wave of emotion before going on stage..." That, and the whole sentence really sounds unencyclopedic.
More multiple cases of the same references in the 2nd para of 2001–2002: Hollywood 7/Sunshine section.
"more like bubblegum..." Could bubblegum be linked?
"tour with the Carnival tour as a more..." Why is Carnival capitalized?
"by the children's media..." What's children's media? Newsround?
"it was disappointing when S Club 7 released their ninth single..." Disappointing is someone's opinion. Needs rewording.
"led the way for a series of events that was to unravel..." Unravel? It makes the article sound like a story, not an encyclopedia entry.

Saving... – How do you turn this on (talk) 21:29, 29 October 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Why were they paid with Euros?

What about their legacy? Anything to be added about that? The lead also ends abruptly, with the announcement of their split, but there's no mention of anything after. Surely something could be said about Rachel Stevens solo career, O'Meera's controversy on Celebrity Big Brother etc? – How do you turn this on (talk) 22:45, 29 October 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you thank you thank youuu! :D

These are all brilliant suggestions which I will get to as soon as possible (I've been a bit busy with University applications recently and hunting down reliable sources for the upcoming part-reunion tour!!) »—Mikay—talk—contribs→ 20:29, 6 November 2008 (UTC)[reply]