Wikipedia:Peer review/Sebastian Shaw (actor)/archive1
- A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for August 2008.
This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I've added a significant amount of information about the actor, and wanted to see if it warranted a good/featured article nomination, and if not, what would be required to make it so. Although I have some experience with other wikis, this is my first time doing this in Wikipedia, so any suggestions are more than welcome. Thanks!
-- Hunter Kahn (talk) 06:20, 5 August 2008 (UTC)
David Fuchs
[edit]- On my display, there are some layout issues: Move the star wars image to the right so it doesn't clip the header below it.
- I tried to rotate the pictures right, left, right, but I see what you're saying and I moved it over. -- Hunter Kahn (talk) 03:23, 6 August 2008 (UTC)
- "for the brief, but crucial role"- source?
- The source for that is the Starlog article, same as the rest of the paragraph. Both the writer and Shaw himself in that article discuss how it is one of the climactic moments of the film, and thus why they wanted an experienced actor to pull it off. I felt that warranted the above wording, but if you disagree, I'm open to changing it. -- Hunter Kahn (talk) 03:23, 6 August 2008 (UTC)
- Under filming, only one citation- best repeat it for the quotations so it is clear that that's where they are coming from.
- Added a citation after every direct quote. For the most part, I just threw the citation at the end of a paragraph if it's meant to apply for the entire paragraph. In the cases where there aren't direct quotes, is that acceptable? -- Hunter Kahn (talk) 03:23, 6 August 2008 (UTC)
I'll do more when I have time, Der Wohltemperierte Fuchs (talk) 23:05, 5 August 2008 (UTC)
- You addressed all my above complaints. One thing though: the lead image is blurry because it is expanded larger than the cropped size. Either scale down the image on the article, or find a larger image. Der Wohltemperierte Fuchs (talk) 16:24, 12 August 2008 (UTC)
- I tried a new picture. Better? -- Hunter Kahn (talk) 18:00, 13 August 2008 (UTC)
Comments by Kodster
[edit]- Firstly, it might be helpful to look at the Featured Article page for examples of actor articles that are Featured Articles. That way, you can compare/contrast your article to that of a Featured Article, and find out things you're missing.
- The article could use a copyedit. I've noticed several mistakes while briefly looking through it.
- In the lead: "Shaw knew no details of his part until he was guaranteed to play the role, and was forbidden from discussing it...under [emphasis added] after the theatrical release." Shouldn't it be "until", not "under"?
- You're right. Fixed. -- Hunter Kahn (talk) 17:50, 13 August 2008 (UTC)
- In the Early Film Career section: the first two sentences of this section is extremely confusing. I'm assuming that the end quotation marks are missing in the second sentence, and that there should be a space after the period (full stop). Also, there should not be a space between the comma and the quotation marks after "I'm not a conformed traditionalist".
- That quotation wasn't supposed to be in there. Don't know how that happened, but I dropped it. -- Hunter Kahn (talk) 17:50, 13 August 2008 (UTC)
- At least one instance of number errors. According to the Manual of Style, number usage should be consistent. For numbers over nine, the article can use either numerals (64) or words (sixty-four), but it should use only one in the article. It can't use 64 (numerals) in one sentence and then thirty (words) in another. It must be consistent.
- The error is in the lead: the article usually uses numerals for numbers over nine, but in the last sentence of the lead, it reads, "Ten years later...". It should be changed to 10 to keep consistency.
- Actually, according to WP:MOSNUM: "Numbers that begin a sentence are spelled out" -- Hunter Kahn (talk) 17:50, 13 August 2008 (UTC)
- The error is in the lead: the article usually uses numerals for numbers over nine, but in the last sentence of the lead, it reads, "Ten years later...". It should be changed to 10 to keep consistency.
- Visit the copyedit league page for a list of copyeditors who, upon request, can fix your article for errors such as these.
- Put in the request. Thanks for the suggestion! -- Hunter Kahn (talk) 17:51, 13 August 2008 (UTC)
- In the lead: "Shaw knew no details of his part until he was guaranteed to play the role, and was forbidden from discussing it...under [emphasis added] after the theatrical release." Shouldn't it be "until", not "under"?
- Citations (the little numbers in brackets within the article that link you to the "References" section) should go immediately after every quote. For example, in the Early Life section, the citation should go immediately after "a poor fat boy" (in the last sentence) AND after the sentence. It seems a bit redundant, but this makes sure that EVERY quote and fact gets cited.
- I think I got them all. -- Hunter Kahn (talk) 17:50, 13 August 2008 (UTC)
I recommend fixing these problems, maybe getting another PR from someone else, then you're all set. Good luck Hunter! Kodster (heLLo) (Me did that) 14:38, 12 August 2008 (UTC)
- Thanks for the suggestions! -- Hunter Kahn (talk) 17:50, 13 August 2008 (UTC)