Wikipedia:Peer review/Sheffield Rules/archive1

Sheffield Rules

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Nominating to get an idea of how far the article is from FA. Thanks, josh (talk) 21:58, 31 January 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from The Rambling Man (talk · contribs)

Hello josh, here are my comments on a good and interesting" article.

Fair use rationale for Image:Sheffield FC badge.png says it's less than 300px wide. It isn't, it's 321px wide.
"...Nathaniel Creswick and William Prest, for use..." no need for the comma.
"football" in the first sentence should be qualified by association.
"free kicks, corners and overhead throw-ins" and "heading" in the lead perhaps need wikilinking, particularly those with alternative meanings (such as corners).
The public school wikilink isn't ideal as it leads to a page which says "public school has two distinct meanings" so it's not as useful as it could be.
"The most famous versions of the game being the Eton wall game and Royal Shrovetide Football." - this isn't really grammatically correct and "most famous" will need a citation.
Background first two paragraphs seem to be chronologically out of order.
"...that lasted several days ..." - this needs expanding! Presumably they stopped at night?!
Year ranges need to use en-dash, not hyphen.
I'd like an introductory sentence for the rules section, it's a bit bland as it stands. Also, it needs a citation.
Presumably the incorrect capitalisation in that section is not your doing.
Overview subsections have a number of short paragraphs, I'd aim to merge them and improve the flow.
"favoured the kicking style of the game" - as opposed to..?
"The kicking game was also prevalent in the local villages of Penistone and Thurlstone." - probably should be cited.
"(the first reference to a position now occupied by the referee)." no need for the parentheses.
"vs." - use the full word or against.
" 58th army regiment" - should be an article for this? And it's probably Army Regiment.
"on Boxing Day (December 26) of that year." - I would axe Boxing Day and go for the full date (since it's such a significant milestone) and wikilink it.
"In 1861 Rouges were introduced..." - explain this. Even I (with my mammoth and eclectic football knowledge!) don't understand this.
"known as the Battle of Bramall Lane An incident " - full stop missing.
"one of the players (Waterfall)" - it's not 100% clear that Waterfall was the name of this miscreant.
" one man offside " - bit jargony, explain for the non-football experts.
"No Names, Barnes and Crystal Palace" - link these? And explain "No Names"?!
" 3 rule changes " = three rule changes.
Few more citations are needed throughout these sections, e.g. "This time it was only open to teams under two years old. Out of the four teams that competed The Wednesday emerged victorious. The final was a goalless draw after 90 minutes so the teams played on until a goal was scored. This was the first instance where a match involved extra time. This would be the last tournament to be played in Sheffield for 9 years until the formation of the Sheffield Football Association Challenge Cup in 1876." contains several unverifiable claims.
"within 3 yards " = three yards.
" 8 foot crossbar " = eight. And convert it to metric for our modern readers! Use the {{convert}} template.
"1873/74" - "1873–74" use the en-dash to separate seasons.
"8000" - "8,000" comma separate the thousands.
Expand FIFA on its first use.
"They also created " don't start a new section like this. You need to re-assert the context.
Citations in Innovations & Influence section should be placed immediately after punctuation per WP:CITE.
"2 goals to 0" either 2–0 or "two goals to nil."
"2 yards " = two yards.
" 80s." - "1880s".
"A technique now common in the game." - isn't actually a sentence.
"8 were " = eight were.
" 57/58 " - 1857–58.
"alongside 3 of the " three.
"earned the nickname 'The Napolean of Football'." citation required.
"62-63 " - 1862–63.
"(a tactic today called goal hanging) " - I know it is but non-experts don't - citation. And ditch the parentheses.
"2-2-5-1 formation" - this needs explanation to the non-expert it sounds more like a train wheel configuration.
"president from 1869-85. " from 1869 to 1885.
Ensure page ranges in your references are delimited with the en-dash, not a hyphen.

Hope this has been of use! The Rambling Man (talk) 09:37, 1 February 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for the comments. I've fixed most of the problems you've identified with the following exceptions -

"football" in the first sentence should be qualified by association. - Although their histories intertwine the Sheffield code always remained distinct from the association rules.
"...that lasted several days ..." - this needs expanding! Presumably they stopped at night?! - The account doesn't give much detail including what happened at night.
"In 1861 Rouges were introduced..." - explain this. - Its explained in that paragraph. Does it need to be clearer?
The convert template uses numerals so I can't used worded numbers with it.

Thanks. josh (talk) 22:08, 2 February 2008 (UTC)[reply]

A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style. If you would find such a review helpful, please click here. Thanks, Ruhrfisch _><>°^° 04:36, 2 February 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Under the Early years section about the first interclub match it states "Despite their inferior numbers Sheffield F.C. beat Hallam 2–0", but there is no mention of inferior numbers prior to this in the article.
Under the Sheffield and London section, one sentence states "In 1865 by a letter sent to Nottingham F.C. (now called Notts County) stating that Sheffield would adopt the offside rule if they would abandon their use of the mark that allowed a player to catch a ball." I'm not sure exactly what you're trying to say here, but it needs to be cleaned up. Dan1980 (talk | stalk) 13:43, 4 February 2008 (UTC)[reply]