Wikipedia:Peer review/Slicker Than Your Average/archive1

Slicker Than Your Average

• A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for June 2009.

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I want to see the improvements and expansions that need to be made before submitting the article for GA.

Thanks, 03md 09:10, 10 June 2009 (UTC)

Brianboulton comments A fair amount of work is still needed to bring this article up to standard. Here are a few suggestions.

• Infobox
  • The professional reviews information should be given in the body of the article, not as unexplained rows of stars in the infobox.
  • Bare links to external websites should be properly formatted as references.
  • Year ranges should be given in the form "2001–02", not "2001/2002"
• Lead
  • There are at present aspects of the article, e.g. the Reception section, not covered in the lead, which should be extended to become a complete summary of the article's content.
  • "As of 2007..." We are now in mid-2009. Why are you quoting figures which are up to two years out of date?
  • The second paragraph says the album was released "in a number of different versions". Only two (the original and an Asian version) are then mentioned.
• Background and writing
  • Opening sentence: "After Craig David managed to crack the American music industry with his debut album his musical style began to alter to appeal to the worldwide market on his second album." When was this debut album released? Dubious encyclopedic language ("managed to crack the American music industry"); comma required after "alter"; the last phrase should be reworded, e.g. "to increase the appeal of his forthcoming second album to the worldwide market"
  • The main content of this section seems to be about the writing of just one of the thirteen songs – what about the other 12? What is their background?
  • No indication is given as to the reason for the album's title, which is not even mentioned in the section.
  • The quotation: ""On the one hand, it's coming across like I'm arrogant. On the other hand, it's saying I have a lot more composure on the album" needds to e cited to a source.
  • More non-encyclopedic language: '...David was not too bothered as he feels it "spreads the word".'
• Track listing, and timings, need a source'
• Charts: what is the purpose of the empty "Shipments" column?

I hope these comments are helpful to you. Brianboulton (talk) 22:28, 16 June 2009 (UTC)