Wikipedia:Peer review/Smile (Lily Allen song)/archive1

Smile (Lily Allen song)

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This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I had worked on it for a month and made major improvements. It's not exactly finished, I still need to find a few reliable sources for some statements. After it is done, I intend to nominate it for FA, but I want to know what else I can do for this article in order to have chances of passing.

Thanks, 12345abcxyz20082009 (talk) 13:05, 29 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Also, I don't think the music video screenshot fits WP:NFCC#8. I would need some guidance over what scene to put. Music video is here. --12345abcxyz20082009 (talk) 13:08, 29 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Comments by Dbratland (talk · contribs)

Overall an enlightening article. I am pretty ignorant about music in general, and about Lily Allen, but I was able to follow along because there is enough context and an appropriate level of explanation in the article.

I see many instances of duplicate Wikilinks. Most second occurrences should be removed as per Wikipedia:Linking#Repeated links (not counting tables and infoboxes). There are exceptions, depending on how you feel about having too many links in the lead, re-linking a second time far down the page, and what in your opinion is a common enough word to not need a wikilink. I didn't edit these myself, I just noted my opinions below.

Lead: Might want to consider adding more wikilinks for some jargon words: studio album, sampling, demo songs, ska, posse. I would unlink MySpace, MTV and music video because they are mainstream enough that everyone will know what you mean. Might want to also wikilink pop princess which redirects to Pop icon. While you're at it, I'd edit Pop icon to include "princess", since there is a difference between calling someone a princess versus an idol.

Might want to mention critics by name here "Contemporary critics complimented the song, claiming it made the singer a "theoretical pop princess", although some did not consider it one of the album's best songs." Rob Sheffield is notable enough to have his own page so it would help clarify why his judgement is being cited in the lead if you named him there.

Background: Regal Records already linked in the lead. Same with MySpace, LDN, Unlink Demo here, link it in the lead. Can you give specific names here: "Her label ^[who?] wasn't pleased with the sound of the demos, so they assigned the singer to top producers^[who?] and songwriters^[who?]"? My reaction is that if they are "top" people they must be recognizable names.

Music structure and lyrics: Wikilink Sample in the lead, not here. RE: "...when Allen broke up with her then boyfriend, Lester Lloyd, resulting in a drug overdose and hospitalization for depression." Who had a drug overdose and depression? Allen or Lloyd?

Critical reception: Wikilink Rob Sheffield if not added to lead. Is it possible to clarify what a theoretical pop princess is? Does he mean she's supposedly a pop princess but not really? Unlink LDN, second NME.

Music video: unlink Music video, Sophie Muller, coffee shop, MTV.

Live performances and promotion. Unlink concert tour, LDN. Lily Allen concert tour (2009) is already linked in the lead but I'd keep this one because it's so far down the page. "On 3 February 2007, the singer played this single and "LDN" on Saturday Night Live, for she was invited as the musical guest" is wordy.

Good work!--Dbratland (talk) 19:41, 3 November 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you very much! --12345abcxyz20082009 (talk) 15:11, 9 November 2009 (UTC)[reply]