Wikipedia:Peer review/Solar urticaria/archive1

Solar urticaria

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A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for November 2008.

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I feel that in order to reach its full potential, this article must be analyzed, and revised as needed, by the respected users of Wikipedia.

Thanks, NYYfan1 (talk) 00:11, 19 November 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Ruhrfisch comments: Very briefly, here are some suggestions for improvement.

The lead should be expanded from two sentences to two to three paragraphs per WP:LEAD. The lead should be an accessible and inviting overview of the whole article. Nothing important should be in the lead only - since it is a summary, it should all be repeated in the body of the article itself (but Merklen is only in the lead). My rule of thumb is to include every header in the lead in some way, but the types are not in the lead as one example.
Language needs cleaned up - for example This condition is classified as a type of physical urticaria[2] and was first described by a man known as Merklen in 1904.[3] could be This condition is classified as a type of physical urticaria[2] and was first described by P. Merklen in 1904.[3] (the article gives the first initial, assume it was a man, but does not explictly say so).
There are several short paragraphs and sections (one or two sentences) - these should either be combined with others or possibly expanded to improve the flow of the article.
I would also try to make some of the bullet points into prose (reads better). For example with the six types, what other differences besides the wavelnegth of light do they have? Other symptoms? WHich is most common? When were they described?

Hope this helps. If my comments are useful, please consider peer reviewing an article, especially one at Wikipedia:Peer review/backlog (which is how I found this article). Yours, Ruhrfisch _><>°^° 17:28, 25 November 2008 (UTC)[reply]