Wikipedia:Peer review/Stan Benjamin/archive1
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This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I want to take this up to a GA nomination once this review has pointed out possible problems and weeknesses.
Thanks, Neonblak talk - 01:30, 31 December 2009 (UTC)
Finetooth comments: This is almost ready for GAN. It's broad in coverage, verifiable, stable, neutral, and reasonably well-written. I have some suggestions about prose and style issues, and I'm concerned about the licensing of the article's only image. Here are my comments and suggestions.
Image
- The author listed on the image description page cannot be verified via the information given. No date of creation is listed, and the "own work" claim seems highly doubtful since the photo must have been taken between 1939 and 1942. The claim that the photo is free of copyright restrictions can't be verified by the information provided. To fix this, you could (1) track down and add to the license page the missing data that would allow the "free" claim to be verified or (2) find another suitable image.
Lead
- "It was his judgment of Jeff Bagwell that led the Astros... " - "Judgment" doesn't seem quite right. I thought "evaluation" was better when I got to it in the "Scouting career" section.
Early life
- If the information is available, it would be good to add the names of his parents and give some idea of the family size and economic circumstances.
Minor leagues
- In an article this short, I don't think I'd link terms like "minor league baseball", "batting", "home run", "Philadelphia Phillies", and the like in this section or later sections since they are already linked in the lead.
- "It was at the conclusion of this minor league season, that he became a late-season signing of the Philadelphia Phillies." - Maybe "a late-season acquisition of" rather than "a late-season signing of"?
Return to the minors
- "He returned to the Baltimore Orioles of the International League for the 1944 season, now an affiliate of the Cleveland Indians." - Move modifier next to thing modified? Also, "then" rather than "now"? Suggestion: "He returned to the Baltimore Orioles, then an International League affiliate of the Cleveland Indians, for the 1944 season." (At least I think this is what you mean. I know the Orioles are not now an affiliate of Cleveland.)
- "The Indians called up Benjamin for the 1945 season, and even though he was part of their regular roster, he only appeared in 14 games, but he did bat .333 in the time he did play." - Tighten a bit? Suggestion: The Indians called up Benjamin for the 1945 season, and even though he was part of their regular roster, he appeared in only 14 games, batting .333.
Recognitions
- "... baseball operations, said of Benjamin, “Stan’s positive evaluation of Bagwell was definitely a catalyst in our taking him.’’ And that “He was a vital cog in our organization who had the ability to convey his opinion in a precise manner. You always knew where you stood with him. He was a longtime employee, but more important, a longtime friend.’’ - Maybe an ellipsis would be better than the "And that" connector if this is all part of the same quote. If so, it would look like this: "baseball operations, said of Benjamin, “Stan’s positive evaluation of Bagwell was definitely a catalyst in our taking him... He was a vital cog in our organization who had the ability to convey his opinion in a precise manner. You always knew where you stood with him. He was a longtime employee, but more important, a longtime friend."[3]
Scouting career
- "and spent countless summer evenings evaluating some of the nation’s best college players" - "Many" rather than "countless"?
References
- Rather than listing the url as the work, I'd list the newspaper, the The Boston Globe in citation 3. The url is already captured by the clickable title link. Ditto for the The Denver Post in citation 5.
I hope these suggestions prove helpful. If so, please consider reviewing another article, especially one from the PR backlog at WP:PR. That is where I found this one. Finetooth (talk) 04:20, 7 January 2010 (UTC)
- The suggestions were very helpful, and I believe it has improved the article, thank you !Neonblak talk - 11:47, 7 January 2010 (UTC)