Wikipedia:Peer review/Stevie Ray Vaughan/archive1

Stevie Ray Vaughan

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This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because the article is now complete and needs reviews/opinions on the overall article, like what details should be kept or left out, and how the sections should be titled. If any part of the article needs work, reviews are welcome.

Thanks, Alanbarrybush (talk) 01:00, 26 January 2011 (UTC)[reply]

GreatOrangePumpkin comments (forget my "period after quotation mark"-comments)

hello Alanbarrybush. You should revise the article several, as there are several details in prose, MOS and other stuff.

Lead

was one of the most influential American guitarists of the late 20th century The article should not begin like this. I suggest: was an American [[blues]]-[[guitar]]ist...
He became the leading musician of the newly popular blues rock sound with a series of network television appearances and charting albums the two words newly popular should be deleted; sounds for me like it is not written in a natural point of view
His energized interpretations of blues music and style made him hugely popular another POV sentence - delete it
After three years without a new album, he returned to the studio, which led to the release of In Step in 1989. you said three years, but later wrote the same at the end (in 1989)
The single "Crossfire," released in July 1989, was a number one hit remove comma after Crossfire, and rewrite it like this: The album produces the single "Crossfire" in July 1989, which became a number one hit
He died suddenly in a helicopter accident afterward, crashing into a nearby ski slope I would link to ski slope

Early years

where classmates remember him walking the halls and playing air guitar. I think it is a nonrelevant trivia sentence and must be avoid.
At age six, he started his addiction to alcohol when he went into his father's liquor cabinet and made himself a drink at the age of six; also very odd for an encyclopedia
I could go on; for example He received a guitar of his own for his birthday, a toy from Sears made out of Masonite. and with five refs!
playing it so many times that his father often smashed the record to pieces delete it please
Vaughan, who never received formal guitar lessons or learned to read music, studied and played by ear no ref?

(I skip the whole Career sections)

Death

Omniflight, the helicopter's owner, was sued by Martha and Jimmie Vaughan for being negligent in allowing the unqualified pilot, Jeff Brown, to fly a helicopter and taking off in dense fog what is omniflight?

Musicianship

Vaughan's first guitar was a toy from Sears with a Western motif, given to him for his seventh birthday already mentioned above
In 1963, he received his first electric guitar was a Gibson ES-125T, a hand-me-down from Jimmie. remove "was" and reword it, and what is a "hand-me-down"; who is Jimmi, e.g. write the full name.
In 1974, Vaughan acquired a battered 1963 Fender Stratocaster from Ray Hennig's Heart of Texas Music in Austin, which became his favorite guitar ever since, and gave the guitar names like "Number One" and "First Wife." why not just "his favourite guitar since"; "First Wife." -> "First Wife".
As his career progressed, he played a variety of electric guitars, predominantly Fender Stratocasters. no ref?
He also played the drum kit, though not often; his drumming can be heard on "Empty Arms" from the Soul to Soul album. ref where you found this information.
In 1991, Texas governor Ann Richards proclaimed October 3, Vaughan's birthday, to be "Stevie Ray Vaughan Day." period after quotes!
period after quotes
His album sales in the US stand at 11.5 million units. here's the source
Family Style, released shortly after his death, and his best-selling, non-Double Trouble studio album at over a million shipments in the US, won the 1991 Grammy Award for Best Contemporary Blues Album. odd sentence construction.
In 2003, Rolling Stone ranked him seventh of the "100 Greatest Guitar Players of All Time." He was posthumously inducted into the Blues Hall of Fame in 2000. no refs

References

I won't even start to review all the one-sentence-parameter-references and I suggest you to write it more lucid. The first two books in the "Bibliography" section haven't any ISBN.

And I suggest you to request the article for a copy-edit here, as I see some issues in the prose. But good job anyway. Regards.-- ♫Greatorangepumpkin♫ T 13:20, 1 February 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Also I found a dab link and a dead ref with missing accessdates and publisher (for example: Allmusic refs: "Rovi Corporation" is the publisher).-- ♫Greatorangepumpkin♫ T 13:44, 1 February 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Okay so I did several edits to the article, correcting those that you mentioned, and anything else that might have needed revising. I appreciate the help. Anything else I should do or recommended? I want to get this article perfect so it can be featured; it deserves to be featured.--User:Alanbarrybush Talk 05:27, 9 February 2011

A quick look at WP:LEAD suggests some edits as well: there is no need for that many references (see Wikipedia:Lead#Citations), esp. if this is ever to be a Good or Featured article. Drmies (talk) 19:38, 16 February 2011 (UTC)[reply]