Wikipedia:Peer review/Sweet Dreams (Beyoncé Knowles song)/archive1

Sweet Dreams (Beyoncé Knowles song)

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This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I am helping another article improving it. In general, this is a good article and it looks like a upcoming GA, so I need some ideas of what can be what can be removed or added, if it has typos and that kind of things. Thanks, Tbhotch^Talk ^C. 05:35, 11 July 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Review by Esprit15d

The article is extremely thorough and well-referenced. Kudos for that!

Lead

Professionally, Beyoncé goes by Beyoncé, so I think we should refer to her as such in this article (instead of Knowles). It would be like referring to Usher as Raymond.
"Lyrically, the song describe a relationship" -- should be "describes"
""Sweet Dreams" gained popularity for its electro-pop sound, which is in contrast to her earlier R&B, urban, and funk-tinged releases." -- this sentence makes it sound like it had more success than her earlier stuff, which is not true. Also, its worded poorly grammatically.
"The single topped the chart of New Zealand." -- which chart?
" in Australia, Czech Republic" -- " in Australia, the Czech Republic"

Background

"The song was one of the first composed for I Am… Sasha Fierce,[2] and leaked in March 2008, many months before the release of the album, under the title "Beautiful Nightmare".[3] It is the first song Knowles has ever had that leaked before its official release on the album. It appeared on the internet the day after the song was recorded.[4]" -- very wordily written. Better: "Sweet Dreams" (one of the first songs composed for I Am...Sasha Fierce) was leaked in March 2008--the day after it was recorded and eight months prior to the album's release. It was the first time a Beyoncé single had been leaked.
"Knowles took to her official website to comment: "Yesterday, 'Beautiful Nightmare' a demo I’ve been working on for possible inclusion on my next album, leaked on some websites. I want to thank all my fans for the positive response to the song, but I want to tell you that this is just a work in progress".[3]" too much information. Simply say: Beyoncé responded to the leak on her official website, saying, "I want to thank all my fans for the positive response to the song, but I want to tell you that this is just a work in progress."
"Rico Love said to MTV News" -- clarify (in parenthesis) who Rico Love is.
Love'a quote is entirely too long. It borders on copyright violation, and much of it is not relevant to the article. I would only include "I was more concerned that she would feel that we did it. A lot of times producers or songwriters leak records because they feel if you put the song out there it would go."
"With the release of the album, the song's structure was altered, with the phrase "turn the lights on" repeated throughout the chorus, and a third refrain added after the climax, and the name was changed to its current title "Sweet Dreams".[2]" -- should be moved to the composition section. Also, it should read, "By the album's release, the song's structure had been altered: the phrase "turn the lights on" had been repeated throughout the chorus, a third refrain had been added after the climax, and the name had been changed to its current title, "Sweet Dreams".[2]"
"This is the third such-titled song to reach the Top 10 of the Hot 100, following hits by Air Supply in 1982 and Eurythmics in 1983.[7] An unofficial remix featuring Lil Wayne and Nicki Minaj leaked on some websites on March 9, 2010, and was included on Wayne's mixtape No Ceilings.[8][9]"-- should be moved to the end of the chart performance section
Start a new paragraph at ""Broken-Hearted Girl" was initially earmarked..."

Critical reception

The critical reception section does not read well, which is not surprising, since paragraphs with a lot of quotes are very difficult to make fluid. However here are some general suggestions to make it better: (1) someone should read it out loud and then modify any odd phrasing, redundant phrases or anything that doesn't sound fluid or grammatically sound; (2) shorten the reviews to only the most pertinent phrases that really sum up how the reviewer felt; sometimes only four or five (or less) from a quote is sufficient; (3) read the Critical reception section the Gwen Stefani song "Rich Girl". It is excellent and will give you an idea on how one should read.

Best wishes!--Esprit15d • talk • contribs 14:32, 16 July 2010 (UTC)[reply]

All done. Thsnk you for review it. Tbhotch^Talk ^C. 06:53, 17 July 2010 (UTC)[reply]