Wikipedia:Peer review/The Deep End (TV series)/archive1

The Deep End (TV series)

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I'm thinking of nominating it for GA.

Thanks, Bejinhan talks 10:57, 23 August 2010 (UTC)

Hi, this will be my first peer review. I will try my best to give a few pointers.

Intro

• the first sentence does not flow very well, could maybe rewrite it.  Done

Production

• co-executive produced, is that the correct terminology, or should it be created by or David Hemingson is an executive producer for the series who also produced how i met your mother  Done

• you should also try to avoid small single paras like that.  Done

• some of the refs dont have access dates, and they use various formats of listing sources, i.e. some use the cite web method others dont  Done

• Might be an idea to use a similar article which has already made GA as a guide, for example cold feet series one.  Done

sorry if its not much of a help but could get you on the right track to improving the article for GA nomination. You could also look at similar articles for help and inspiration here.Monkeymanman (talk) 19:04, 26 August 2010 (UTC)

Thanks for the review. Bejinhan talks 11:21, 27 August 2010 (UTC)

Comments by Panyd^{The muffin is not subtle} 21:20, 1 September 2010 (UTC)

Rearrange the first paragraph. Start off with what it is, then the content of the show, then how long it ran for, then its reasons for being cancelled. At the moment it is very disjointed. Also remove 'in-universe' content as that can be placed later in the article and may be confusing.

You may wish to add a plot section to explain the show in-depth.

Remove text stating where it was who was supposed to be producing it was initially reported. This is superfluous and irrelevant to the point you are trying to get across (which I presume is who actually produced it).

Actual lawyers reaction can go in the Reception section. Similarly, unrealistic plot elements could be put into a plot subsection, rather than being mixed in with the production section when they have little to do with that subject.

Remove this part:

"The show premiered on January 21, 2010 as a 2009—2010 midseason replacement.[4] Seven episodes were filmed but ABC only scheduled six episodes.[5] After speculation of the show's cancellation, ABC announced on May 14, 2010 that they would not continue broadcasting it because of poor ratings and viewership.[6][7][8]" - It is simply repeating what was said in the lead without adding anything substantial to it.

You could re-write this to make it longer and include more information, at which point it might be put into its own 'Broadcasting' (or similar with a better name) section.

Second sentence of Reception section needs to be re-written, it lists too many shows. We get the point after two. Similarly, this section doesn't need quite as many quotes as we get the gist of the issues pretty early on. The sentence: Although the Deep End received "loads of promotion" but Media Life Magazine claimed that the show "sank in its first outing - is not grammatically sound.