Wikipedia:Peer review/The Kinks/archive1

The Kinks

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Note - Due to this article being listed at WP:FAC shortly, please consider this PR closed, per FA nomination guidelines. - I.M.S. (talk) 19:15, 7 February 2010 (UTC)[reply]

--- This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I'm preparing to list it at FAC. I would appreciate any comments you have on the page—everything helps.

Many thanks. - I.M.S. (talk) 23:28, 28 January 2010 (UTC)[reply]

I really like the article, it seems to be clear, well written and has what seems to be all the relevent information on it! Well done! Paul-T (talk) 15:11, 2 February 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks! I appreciate it. - I.M.S. (talk) 16:15, 2 February 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Finetooth comments: This seems about ready for FAC. I came to this with virtually no knowledge of The Kinks; even so, the article held my attention throughout and seemed clear and professionally written. I found a few minor things that need attention, but none should cause you any lost sleep. Nice job.

Formation

"Davies soon quit school and returned to Muswell Hill, where the brothers and Quaife reformed their old group." - Would "re-formed" be better? "Reformed" might be misunderstood as "made them behave better".

Commercial breakthrough

"because it was the first pop record to use a sitar" - Wikilink sitar?

The Golden Age

"In retrospect, 'Autumn Almanac' marked the first hint of trouble for The Kinks. This glorious single, one of the greatest achievements of British 60's pop, was widely criticised at the time for being too similar to previous Davies efforts." - This direct quote needs a citation immediately after the end punctuation.
"In fact, Nick Jones of Melody Maker asked, "Is it time that Ray stopped writing about gray suburbanites going about their fairly unemotional daily business? ... Ray works to a formula, not a feeling, and it's becoming rather boring." - Ditto for this one.
"Boston's underground paper Fusion published a review stating "The Kinks continue, despite the odds, the bad press and their demonstrated lot, to come across... ". - I don't understand what "their demonstrated lot" means. Is something missing from the quote?
"Ray Davies travelled to Los Angeles, California in April 1969 to help negotiate an end to the American Federation of Musician ban on the group... " - Comma after California?
"As with the previous two albums, Arthur was soaked with British lyrical and musical hooks," - "Soaked with hooks" is probably not the best metaphor. Maybe " ...Arthur included many British lyrical and musical hooks? Wikilink "hook"?
"Their debut for RCA, Muswell Hillbillies, was soaked with country, bluegrass, and music hall influences." - "Soaked" again strikes me as not quite right. Maybe "replete with" or "dominated by"?

Return to commercial success

"Ex-Argent bassist Jim Rodford joined the band before the album Low Budget – on which Ray Davies played the keyboard sections – was recorded." - Should these be unspaced em dashes instead of spaced en dashes for consistency?
"which depicted Dave Davies as a leather-jacketed piece of price scanning barcode." - Add a hyphen to make "price-scanning barcode"?
"The tour culminated with a performance at the US Festival in San Bernadino" - Spelling. Should be San Bernardino.

Fall in popularity

"an attack on the very MTV video culture the band had been profiting off of during the earlier part of the decade" - Tighten by using "from" rather than "off of"?
"The Kinks' first album for Columbia, Phobia (1993), was recorded as a four piece." - What is a four piece"? Should this be linked or briefly explained (with a word or two)?
"One single, "Only a Dream", narrowly failed to reach the UK chart, climbing to number 79." - If it was 79, wasn't it charted? What is the cutoff for "charting"?

Notes

The page ranges take en dashes instead of hyphens. Some of the citations have them, but others like citation 11 have hyphens that should be replaced.

References

It would be slightly better to arrange these alphabetically by last name; i.e., Bellman through Weisbard.

I hope these suggestions prove helpful. If so, please consider reviewing another article, especially one from the PR backlog at WP:PR. That is where I found this one. Finetooth (talk) 05:42, 6 February 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for the review! I'm glad to hear that you enjoyed and learned something from the article. I'll put your suggestions to good use. - I.M.S. (talk) 21:43, 6 February 2010 (UTC)[reply]