Wikipedia:Peer review/The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past/archive2

The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past

Previous peer review

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I'd like to nominate it for WP:FAC someday.

Thanks, Gary King (talk) 19:06, 31 March 2008 (UTC)

• In the discussion on Nintendo's removal of religious content, link to the wikipedia article about it.
• Make sure all your fair use rationales explain exactly how and why it is used, don't be general like "illustrate the subject".
• If possible, add the Metacritic rating
• Mention the story in the lead.
• You might want to put in the album template, see Super Smash Bros. Melee, though I do not know if it is necessary
• Legacy sections pictures are a bit jammed up, try to space them a bit more.
• Reference 10 is broken as of my review
• Reference the last paragraph of the legacy section
• Give it a quick look over for copyediting issues to make sure prose is brilliant
• Reference the plot section with either the game manual for find a script of the game and quote the plot, see Final Fantasy VI
  • above is done Gary King (talk) 23:45, 4 April 2008 (UTC)

• Comment

And then you should be good to go! Good luck!Judgesurreal777 (talk) 15:24, 4 April 2008 (UTC)

• Reception section needs exspanding. Buc (talk) 06:31, 12 April 2008 (UTC)

Comments from User:Guyinblack25

Overall, it looks like most everything you need is already in the article. Here are some suggestions that will hopefully help on the way to FA.

The lead

• I would expand it some to three paragraphs. Add in a bit more about the reception, music, and comic.
• In the second paragraph, I would tweak the plot info some.
  "A Link to the Past's plotThe game focuses on Link, the main protagonist of the series, and hisas he travels on a journey to save Hyrulerescue the descendants of ancient Sages, defeat Ganon, and rescue the seven descendants of the Sagessave Hyrule."
• Minor tweak:
  "A Link to the Past uses a top-down perspective similar to that of the original The Legend of Zelda."
• I would change "added" --> "popularized", because I believe Zelda II: The Adventure of Link was the first to have multi-level dungeons, just from a side view instead of top-down.
  "It addedpopularized game mechanics and concepts to the series that have become commonplace, including multi-level dungeons and..."

Gameplay

• I would add {{see also|The Legend of Zelda#Gameplay|l1=Gameplay of The Legend of Zelda}} under the section heading since it is referenced so often. Speaking of that, I would tone down the references and simply try to describe the gameplay as if the reader doesn't know anything about the first game.
• Some of the content here looks like it would fit better into a small introductory paragraph under "Legacy". For example, "Link slashes his sword as the default attack in future Zelda games, although thrusting is also possible in the later 3D incarnations." and "...would subsequently become a major Zelda trademark: the existence of two parallel worlds..."
• Minor tweaks:
  "Instead of continuing to useretaining the side-scrolling perspective introduced to the series byin Zelda II: The Adventure of Link, A Link to the Past reverts to an overhead perspective similar to that of the original game."
• Borders on excessive detail, plus the heart info is repeated in the next paragraph.
  "Despite using mechanics and concepts from the original, A Link to the Past introduces new elements and innovations. For instance, although there are whole Heart Containers that are usually obtained after defeating a boss, Link can also collect four Heart Pieces in order to form additional Heart Containers. Arrows are now separately replenishable, as bombs were in the original, instead of using a Rupee to fire an arrow."
• I would move this sentence down some, maybe to the second paragraph.
  "A Link to the Past also takes concepts from The Adventure of Link, such as the magic meter, which is used by items such as the Llantern and fire rod."
• Minor tweaks:
  "Control of The player is able to navigate Link is more flexible than in previous games, as he can walk diagonallyin eight directions—horizontally, vertically, and diagonally—and can run with the aid of an obtainable item. The main method of offense is Link's sword attack was improved towhich is a broad horizontal slash sideways instead of merely thrusting forward; this gives his sword a broader range and makes combat easier."
• More tweaking and trimming:
  "Recurring items and techniques were introduced for the first time in A Link to the Past, such as the Hookshot, the Master Sword, and the Pegasus Shoes. Heart Containers that increase the player's maximum health (hit points) in the earlier two games are present, but many are split into "Pieces of Heart", four of which comprise one—collecting four will create a Heart Container. Most of them are well hidden, adding replay value to the game."
• The descriptions of the two worlds would probably be better in a "Setting" section.
• After trimming the description about the two worlds, I would combine the two paragraphs together to balance paragraph length and improve flow.
• More tweaking and trimming:
  Link canThe player is able to travel from the Dark World to the Light World at almost any outside location by using a magic mirror (and back again from the same location using the portal left where he reappears in the Light World).

Synopsis

• I would rename this to "Plot" and the previous plot section to "Story"
• The "Characters" should probably be rewritten as it reads more like a plot summary or a brief background overview.
• A "Setting" section wouldn't hurt as the game relies on back story.

Development

• I would move the information about the beta cartridge to the "Legacy" section.
• The reader may not know what is meant by "4 Mbit (512 KB) of memory". I would wikilink Mbit and briefly explain what is in the parenthesis.
• Wikilink ROM and minor trim:
  "...engineering of the game's ROM contents has revealed that only the differences were..."

Music

• Some content looks like it would go well with some of the gameplay content in the "Legacy" section.
• I would get rid of the album infobox; most of the information there could be covered in a caption or in the text. It would also reduce some of the white space in the section.

References

• The strategy guides, ref 7 and 8, don't need to be linked to Amazon. A link like that should direct the reader to information contained in the book.

I've got a few more suggestions and ideas but, I'll wait till you take care of the other comments. Plus it looks like the article just finished with a merger and some of the content may change. The article looks like it's got FA potential, it just needs to be tidies up and copy edited. I'll check back in later. (Guyinblack25 ^talk 16:43, 25 April 2008 (UTC))