Wikipedia:Peer review/The Tales of Beedle the Bard/archive1

The Tales of Beedle the Bard

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A scriptuyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyiooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for July 2008.

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I would like to know what can be done to improve it further, in terms of style, and other such other factors. This is all the information I was able to get about the subject, and probably all there is at this moment. The article is comprehensive anough for an FA, but even so, I don't feel like it is suitable for such a label. So besides possible improvements, i would also like to know if this article is A-Class.
Thanks, diego_pmc (talk) 20:25, 18 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from Happysunshine

Hello, I liked reading about the 5 different stories that were inside the book below the preface. The only things I found wrong with the article was reference #10, that wasn't really a reference, and ref. #11, youtube videos aren't really that reliable for references, you should try to find a different reference. Over all, if you fix those problems, the article could be an A class one.thinkjjgyuitgbn bmv m,nklnmdeded Thanks! (i hope i pass) ~ California Girl 15:39, 22 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Finetooth comments: Although I've read some of the Harry Potter books or seen the movies, I did not know about these stories until reading this article. I am a quasi-outsider with a few suggestions for improvement.

The article seems written mainly for people who are familiar with the Harry Potter books. To reach a wider encyclopedia audience, it would be helpful to include a bit of background information about the series and its main characters. For example, the opening sentence of the "Fictional version" section says, " The Tales of Beedle the Bard also is a plot device in the seventh novel of the Harry Potter series, Deathly Hallows, in which it is bequeathed to Hermione Granger by Albus Dumbledore." You might briefly describe these characters as you go with constructions such as "Albus Dumbledore, headmaster of the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry". Even though readers can find out who he is by clicking the Dumbledore link, it makes it a bit easier on them if you don't force them to hunt for the most basic information. A few of these asides and tidbits coupled with a brief general overview of the Harry Potter series would make the article more rich and interesting.

I'd recommend some copyediting and prose tightening. The sentence quoted above begins, " The Tales of Beedle the Bard also is a plot device in the seventh novel...." It might be more clear to say, "The Tales of Beedle the Bard first appears as a fictitious book that functions as a plot device in the seventh novel...."

I'd suggesting sticking with present tense in the plot summaries unless the context requires a tense change for clarity. For example, the plot summary of "The Tale of the Three Brothers" starts in the present tense but switches to the past tense for several sentences before switching again to the present tense toward the end.
It would be interesting to know the significance of "moonstone" and why Rowling called one book the "moonstone edition".
It would be interesting to know why Amazon paid so much for the manuscript. Perhaps Amazon published an explanation, or perhaps journalists, critics, or business analysts expressed informed opinions about this question.
The titles of short stories such as "The Warlock's Hairy Heart" should be set off in quotation marks rather than italicized.
Numbers from one to nine generally are spelled out in Wikipedia, but larger numbers generally appear as digits. For example, "twenty growth rings" should be "20 growth rings".

If you have questions or want more comments, please say so here. I have added the page to my watchlist. If you find these comments helpful, please consider reviewing another article, especially one from the peer review backlog. That is where I found this article. Finetooth (talk) 02:50, 23 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]