Wikipedia:Peer review/The Texas Chain Saw Massacre/archive4
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This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I am hoping to take the article to FA soon, and after many previous nominations and peer reviews, I believe sufficient work has been done on the article for it to make FA class.
Thanks, The Taerkasten (talk) 09:49, 31 May 2010 (UTC)
Finetooth comments: This looks comprehensive and generally reads well. The sections seem to me to be about the right length, and the Legacy and Interpretations sections are especially interesting. I found and fixed a few errors such as the use of hyphens instead of en dashes in date ranges and page ranges, and most of my comments have to do with other prose and style issues. I think if you can polish the prose a bit here and there, the article will be ready for FAC.
- No dabs or dead urls. This is good.
The alt text is missing for the second image, and I'd think about changing the alt text for the first image to include only what can be seen and what would make sense to a blind person. Suggestion: "Film poster of a large chainsaw-holding man and a screaming woman fastened to a wall behind him. Writing on the poster says, "Who will survive and what will be left of them?"; "America's most bizarre and brutal crimes!"; "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre"; "What happened is true. Now the motion picture that's just as real."
Overlinking. I would not link common English words like "store", "corporation", or "contract". What to link and what not to link requires judgment in each case, but generally I would not link words that I thought most readers of English would already know.
Lead
"The Texas Chain Saw Massacre started the six films of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre film... " - Maybe "was the first of the six" rather than "started the six"?
Plot
"The pair bring Sally inside, with the hitchhiker taunting her when he realizes who she is." - Slightly better might be "When the pair bring Sally inside, the hitchhiker taunts her when he realizes who she is."
Development
"He had previously developed the idea of a film centering on isolation, the woods and darkness; and continued to explore these ideas as he thought up the concept of the film." - This could be tightened. Suggestion: "He had already developed the idea of a film centering on isolation, the woods and darkness, and he pursued these themes as he worked on the project."
"He also credited the local San Antonio news as part of the inspiration for the film, due to the graphic nature of the story being featured." - This does not quite make sense. Does "story" in this sentence refer to a specific news story, or does it refer to the film plot? If the former, what was the story? Did he read about Ed Gein in a San Antonio newspaper or watch a story about Ed Gein on San Antonio TV? I think this becomes more clear later in this section that Hooper was referring to general news coverage of violent events, but perhaps you should say this explicitly here, perhaps like this: "He also credited graphic coverage of violence by San Antonio news outlets as part of the inspiration for the film."
"In return, MAB owned 50% of the film and its profits." - Generally "percent" or "per cent" is preferred to % except in scientific articles or complex listings that repeat % many times in a table or other special situation.
"Vortex made the idea more attractive by awarding nearly everyone with a share of Vortex's potential profits, ranging from .25 to 6% (similar to mortgage points)." - By "nearly everyone", do you mean the cast and crew? Also, I'd add a leading zero to the first number here to make it more clear; i.e., 0.25 percent to 6 percent.
Casting
"The cast consisted of actors around Texas who had previous roles in commercials or television and stage shows, as well as acting acquaintances of Hooper." - Maybe "The cast consisted of Texans who had previous roles in commercials or television and stage shows as well as actors that Hooper knew."
Filming
"The film was shot mainly using an Eclair NPR 16 mm camera, blown up to 32 mm;" - Rewrite to avoid suggesting that the camera was blown up.
- "
The local sheriff was called to investigate, but did not arrive and the filmmakers were never reported." - Do you mean the plants were never reported?
Release
"After the initial release, including a one-year theatrical run in London,[42] the film was banned in Britain largely on the authority of British Board of Film Classification (BBFC) Secretary James Ferman,[43][44] but saw a limited cinema release because of various city councils, including Camden Council, which granted a license to The Texas Chain Saw Massacre, which was later classified 18 by the BBFC." - Too many clauses. Rewrite as two sentences?
"Greater Union Organisation (GUO) Film Distributors were refused registration for a 2283.4 (83m 27s) print in July 1981." - Something missing? The number 2283.4 doesn't seem to be attached to anything. What are the units?
Adaptations
"They were licensed The Texas Chainsaw Massacre franchise to Avatar Press for use in new comic book stories, the first of which was published in 2005." - Missing word? Maybe "licensed as"? Can something be licensed as a franchise?
"Topps Comics Jason vs. Leatherface series being an exemption... " - Exception rather than exemption?
References
Single pages are abbreviated with "p" and multiple pages with "pp". Thus citation 1, for example, should say "p. 316". I'd suggest checking all of the citations for this small error.All of the dates in the Reference section should appear in the same format and should not be mixed as they are in citation 81, for example. Since you have used yyyy-mm-dd for most of the dates in the citations, I'd recommend changing the exceptions to yyyy-mm-dd.
Bibliography
"Grant, Barry Keith; Sharrett, Christopher (2004)" should be repositioned to maintain alphabetical order.
I hope these suggestions prove helpful. If so, please consider reviewing another article, especially one from the PR backlog at WP:PR. That is where I found this one. Finetooth (talk) 20:50, 6 June 2010 (UTC)
- Done sorting most issues, will resolve others in due course.--The Taerkasten (talk) 12:08, 7 June 2010 (UTC)