Wikipedia:Peer review/Theodore Roosevelt High School (Kent, Ohio)/archive1

Theodore Roosevelt High School (Kent, Ohio)

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I would like to see additional comments/suggestions on what needs to be improved or altered to get it ready for FAC. It was recently promoted to GA status earlier this month. There are very few secondary school articles at FA status and even fewer that are American public high schools.

Thanks, JonRidinger (talk) 16:29, 18 October 2010 (UTC)

Ruhrfisch comments: Thanks for your work on this, here are some suggestions for improvement.

Lead

• United States is generally not linked in articles like this
  • Delinked
• When I divide 1,336 by 120 I get 11.1 (not 12)
  • I'm going to review the faculty list. The state website has an "approximate" count of 120. I counted 114 on the directory (faculty, not including staff), which would make it like 11.7 or something close.
• The word "classes" seems odd here Nearly 200 classes are offered at the school including 12 Advanced Placement courses and 25 vocational education programs. I guess I think of class as something different than a course - 10th grade English is a course, but there might be a dozen classes (sections?) of that course. Not sure what other word to use though.
  • I switched classes and courses so that it is 200 courses and 12 Advanced Placement classes since some of the AP classes are only offered in one section. In terms of how they are used, "courses" and "classes" are used pretty interchangeably in education. The articles Class (education) and Course (education) aren't much help.
• Awkward (arts ... arts) Additionally, several arts courses and opportunities are offered in the visual, performing, and practical arts. but not quite sure how to reword
  • Took out the first "arts"
• Image in the infobox of the school needs a caption per WP:CAPTION
  • Added

History

• I think here it would help to give a bit of background on the history of Franklin Township and Kent and perhaps the surrounding communities which the school serves today. From reviewing the Kent article, I knew that it had become incorporated as a village about this time, and looking at the article I see it was the year before. I would give a few sentences on the establishment of Kent and the school district before the first high school was built.
• More background would also help provide context to the reader, so they would better understand why it is the Franklin Union SD and Franklin Twp Hall.
  • I added some brief background about the district forming in 1860 and the growth in Kent that preceded the school's construction.
• I would recast this sentence as it is confusing as written (TR was 10 years old at the time, the name was not given until 1922, 3 years after his death). Roosevelt High School was established in 1868 as the Kent High School when the Franklin Union School District consolidated the various neighborhood schoolhouses and created a graded curriculum, which included separate high school classes. So I would make it something like In 1868, the Franklin Union School District established Kent High School (which later became Roosevelt High School) when it consolidated the various neighborhood schoolhouses in the district and created a graded curriculum, which included separate high school classes. This avoids the passive voice as well - a good thing to do where possible
  • See how I reworded it. I wanted to emphasize that the school was established in 1868, but that it was first known by another name. Emphasizing the earlier name first makes it look like a different school to me.
    • That is better, thanks. Ruhrfisch _><>°^° 13:05, 26 October 2010 (UTC)
• Is it known when Nutting became principal? If not, I wolud rewrite that sentence as something like Nutting later taught at the Union School and eventually became its principal, serving until 1888.
  • I like what you wrote so I used it!
• Unclear The Union School served as the home of all Kent students until two additional K–6 elementary schools were constructed in the 1880s and eventually came to be known as Central School. perhaps The Union School, which eventually came to be known as Central School, served all Kent students until two additional K–6 elementary schools were constructed in the 1880s.
• Awkward and long sentences, suggest recasting as something like The North Prospect Street building served as the high school until 1959, when Roosevelt was relocated to a new building and campus along North Mantua Street in northern Kent. The former high school building on North Prospect street was rededicated as Davey Junior High School, named for Kent's Davey family, and housed grades 7–9. It was later renamed Davey Middle School and served grades 6–8 until 1999.
  • Used your rewording again!
• The Kent High School and First campus sections are both very long single paragraphs, and could be split into at least two paragraphs each.
  • Split where it seemed logical
• More expandable sounds like it is made of something elastic in Further growth in Kent during the 1950s spurred discussion of a new high school with a larger, more expandable campus site. how about "...with a larger campus, offering more room for expansion."
• I think I would keep money amounts and bond issue together in things like "$1.5 million (approximately $12 million present-day) bond issue " so "$1.5 million bond issue (approximately $12 million present-day)"
  • Good point; never really noticed that
• The {{Inflation}} template may be useful here
  • I am using the Inflation template. Right now it is within the formatprice template. There's no other way I'd know how to figure it out on my own! I actually added the template some time ago after another editor tried to put international conversions AND inflation conversions in (with his own math).
    • I had not checked - sorry. There is a footnote that can be used with that template. I can look it up if you can'tr find it (ping me on my talk page). Ruhrfisch _><>°^° 13:05, 26 October 2010 (UTC)
      • Yes, that came up in the Kent article FAC (I ultimately removed the template). I will look it up and see what I can find.
• Tighten Also in 1959, the district added students from Franklin Township and Brady Lake when both districts merged with the Kent City School District.[10] to something like In 1959, the Franklin Township, Brady Lake, and Kent City school districts merged, adding students to Roosevelt.[10]
  • Reworded in a similar way
• Awards could be active voice (not passive) and not clear what the report is or who gave the bronze medal in The school was given the "Bronze Medal" ranking and was one of only 46 high schools in the state of Ohio to be named in the report.
  • Tried to reword that more passive and clearer

Demographics

• Could a map of Kent in Ohio or perhaps of the communities served by the high school be added here?
  • Working on it. The boundaries aren't as clear as I'd like and the maps from the district aren't the best to work with (i.e. the one I make will be MUCH better than what they gave me).
    • The Census has maps that show school district boundaries online. I was actually just thinking of a map that showed the communities (not necessarily the SD borders). Ruhrfisch _><>°^° 13:05, 26 October 2010 (UTC)
      • Where could I find school district maps? I have the BAS maps and have one of Franklin Township that includes all of the communities that are part of the district. I'm just going to make it a district map and then use it to make an additional map for the school district page.

Curriculum

• I think it would help to say something like "As of 2010" in each section or somehow indicate that these are the current practices?
  • I'll look that over. Most of what is there has been pretty stable and in GAN it was noted it has quite a bit of "As of 2010"s already.
• I wonder if the Biology classroom photo would look better in the first part of the Curriculum section, which has no images? The Additional courses and electives section looks a little crowded with images as it is.
  • I am planning on adding an additional image of the school library in the coming weeks to the first part of Curriculum. The problem has been finding a time to take the picture when students aren't in the library (I don't want to worry about privacy issues!). I suppose if any picture gets dropped, it would be the biology classroom.
  • I went ahead and moved the biology pic to the beginning of Curriculum. If nothing else it gives some balance for the time being.
• Should this be consistently in or perhaps of In for English and math, then three each of science etc.? Of these, four must be in English, four in math, three each of science and social studies, one each of physical education and fine or practical arts, half a credit of health, and five elective credits.
  • Yes. I used "in" since the sentence begins with "Of these..."
• First paragraph in Arts needs a ref.
  • OK just duplicated the closest ref. That came as a result of a later paragraph break
• It may just be that I am tired, but my eyes glazed over a bit at the level of detail in the last part of the article.
  • What specifically? Believe me, it was very hard when condensing the course catalog into relevant and notable points that had relevance. I'm definitely open to it possibly being too detailed, but would like to know exactly how.  :) Is it the last part of curriculum or the last part of the entire article (which is mostly athletics)? One thing to note in Curriculum is that I integrated traditions with relevant programs rather than having a separate Traditions section. I also give some background on things that do not have articles, like the Six District Education Compact
• I would also see if you could get someone to copyedit this - I tried to point out rough spots, but another set of eyes would help.
• I think references with books that list the books in a separate section are easier in terms of finding the book ref than just searching through the list
  • Not sure what you mean here. Do you mean a bibliography for the works referenced multiple times like the course catalog and the histories of Kent? Having separate Notes and References sections?
    • Yes, I mean some sort of separate listing of the books below the references. Then all the book refs could be the short format and the reader could just look at the Bibliography or works cited or whatever named section. Clemuel Ricketts Mansion uses something like this. Ruhrfisch _><>°^° 13:05, 26 October 2010 (UTC)
      • OK I will look it over and decide which I like better. :)

Hope this helps. If my comments are useful, please consider peer reviewing an article, especially one at Wikipedia:Peer review/backlog (which is how I found this article). I do not watch peer reviews, so if you have questions or comments, please contact me on my talk page. Yours, Ruhrfisch _><>°^° 02:58, 24 October 2010 (UTC)

More

I re-read part of the end and think it may be more that the article's prose could be tightened, rather than it being too detailed. Here is one example.

Article now says:

The band program is mainly composed of the marching band and flag corps, with the marching band separated into an auditioned concert band and wind symphony following the end of the football season in late October. The marching band, known as the "Rough Rider Marching Band", performs at all football games, home and away, as well as competitions both locally and nationally.[50]

Could be tightened to something like:

The "Rough Rider Marching Band" and flag corps perform at home and away football games, and at local and national competitions. In late October, after football ends, the band separates into an auditioned concert band and a wind symphony.[50]

I tried to make it chronological and believe I kept all the information, but cut the words by maybe 40%. Not thrilled with "an auditioned band" - understand what it means, but it is a bit clunky. Anyway, hope this gives you an idea. Ruhrfisch _><>°^° 13:05, 26 October 2010 (UTC)

Thanks! I'm all for tightening prose and reducing text where it can be without sacrificing relevant content! --JonRidinger (talk) 13:35, 26 October 2010 (UTC)