Wikipedia:Peer review/Three Men and Adena/archive1

Three Men and Adena

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I'd like to pursue a FAC for it, and would like to see if there are any prose problems or any other possible FAC concerns. Thanks! — Hunter Kahn 21:58, 4 January 2010 (UTC)

Comments from Ealdgyth (talk · contribs)

• You said you wanted to know what to work on before taking to FAC, so I looked at the sourcing and referencing with that in mind. I reviewed the article's sources as I would at FAC. The sourcing looks good.

Hope this helps. Please note that I don't watchlist Peer Reviews I've done. If you have a question about something, you'll have to drop a note on my talk page to get my attention. (My watchlist is already WAY too long, adding peer reviews would make things much worse.) 16:32, 11 January 2010 (UTC)

Brianboulton comments:

• Lead
  • "Almost the entire episode took place" → "...takes place"
  • "The episode was seen by 7.08 million households in its original broadcast, which was among the lowest-rated network shows from that evening." This is an oddly downbeat sentence, coming in the middle of various encomiums. I would reposition it, so that the paragraph reads:-

"Tucker was played by theater and film actor Moses Gunn, marking his final performance before his death in late 1993. "Three Men and Adena" was seen by 7.08 million households in its original broadcast, which was among the lowest-rated network shows from that evening. However, the episode received generally positive reviews; it is considered one of the classic Homicide episodes, and is ranked number 74 in an Entertainment Weekly list of the 100 greatest television moments. Tom Fontana won an Emmy Award for Outstanding Writing for a Drama Series for the episode's script." (note that I have tweaked the text slightly)

• Plot summary
  • I think the term "arabber", utterly unknown in the UK, should be explained briefly in the text, as well as linked
  • "Bayliss is convinced he murdered..." → "Bayliss is convinced Tucker murdered..."
  • "With four hours left..." Suggest "With four hours left before the deadline,..."
• Production
  • "Almost the entire episode takes place..." You need here to clarify which episode, therefore: "Almost the entire episode of "Three Men and Adena" takes place..." etc (It might be useful if you could establish a short title, e.g. "Three Men", to avoid having to spell out the whole title here and in other places in the article).
  • "Martin Campbell spent about three days of preparation..." - sounds a bit casual; do you need to say "about"?
  • "...including the presentation of false evidence in an attempt to get a confesion." It is not clear from the plot summary what false evidence was presented in the interrogation. Can you clarify?
  • What is the relevance of the last sentence of this section?
• Reviews
  • "Leonard particularly praised the tension, the setting and the writing, particularly..." Repetition - suggest delete the first one.
  • The section begins with a statement that the episode received "generally" favourable reviews. All of the reviews you then mention are favourable, many emphatically so. Have you found any critical reviews? If not, I suggest drop "generally", which is an unnecessary modifier.
• Awards and DVD release: The price of the box set is unnecessary detail, and should be dropped.
• General: there are no disambiguation links and all external links are working. The alt text to the lead image is not an adequate description of the image such as would help a non-sighted reader.

All in all, very informative. I've not seen the Homicide show (I expect it has been shown in the UK but I don't know where or when) but the article gave me a good feel for it. Brianboulton (talk) 19:25, 14 January 2010 (UTC)