Wikipedia:Peer review/Toothache/archive1

Toothache

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because…

Prior to FA nomination.

Comments especially desired from:

• editors with knowledge of FA process
• editors with no specialist knowledge of the subject on how understandable the prose is (i.e. any jargon needing to be explained, etc.)

Thanks, Lesion 11:27, 12 April 2014 (UTC)

• Comment: Why are the paragraph lengths in the intro so wildly uneven? Tezero (talk) 01:26, 13 April 2014 (UTC)

We are working on copyediting the whole article, which includes putting in normal length paragraphs. It is about 50% done which is why currently there are weird length paragraphs. Lesion 09:30, 13 April 2014 (UTC)

Oh hey, just re-read your comment and you said in the intro. Currently the paragraphs are divided into concepts such as "causes", "treatment". The v short paragraph perhaps could be merged into another which might help this. Lesion 00:36, 14 April 2014 (UTC)

Comments from LT910001

As always very thorough! And a wonderful and interesting history section.

Some brief comments:

• Quite a few sentences that tail paragraphs lack sources.
• There are a lot of parentheses, which in my opinion makes it hard to read, although I recognise this is a matter of opinion! Some ways to get rid of these:
  • Creative use of wikilinks. For example: Pain is transmitted by pain receptors
  • Common description followed by technical term: Pain is transmitted by pain receptors (nociceptors)
  • Integrating parentheses into text, especially when they're at the end of a sentence: "which applies to any case where there is a collection of pus in the tissues (e.g. a periodontal abscess, pericoronal abscess or apical abscess). " --> " - for example, a periodontal abscess, pericoronal abscess... "
  • Use of {{efn}} and {{notelist}} for longer notes
  • Rewording from one to two sentences: "The pain pathway is mostly transmitted via myelinated Aδ (sharp or stabbing pain) and unmyelinated C nerve fibers (slow, dull, aching or burning pain), of the trigeminal nerve" -> "The pain pathway is mostly transmitted via myelinated Aδ and unmyelinated C nerve fibers of the trigeminal nerve. The Aδ fibres convey the sensation of sharp or stabbing pain, and the C fibres slow, dull, aching or burning pain..."
  • Removing if the words are just synonyms "Extra-dontally (outside the mouth), " -> "Outside the mouth, "
• Some paragraphs are very long, and separating into two sections might improve readability
• Some references with inline page numbers have different page numbers in text. For example this references (currently #18) in text is referred to with page 303: Hupp JR, Ellis E, Tucker MR (2008). Contemporary oral and maxillofacial surgery (5th ed.). St. Louis, Mo.: Mosby Elsevier. pp. 619–627. ISBN 978-0-323-04903-0.
• Have done a very small run-through to get rid of some parentheses at the end of sentences and hope that is OK.

Good luck! --LT910001 (talk) 12:33, 12 April 2014 (UTC)

Thank you for the detailed feedback. Perhaps there are too many parentheses. Agree with your edits and these sections read better now. Regarding use of notes on this page, this might be good to reduce the overall length. Ian Furst, thoughts? Suspect there are many issues that will be raised with the refs at FA review. To get rid of all page ranges in reflist, and move them to inline citation by use of {{rp|XX}} might be the way forward... Something else that I noticed is that the authors' names are not given in a standardized format. E.g. we have B. Black; Bernard Black, Black, B. etc. Lesion 17:48, 12 April 2014 (UTC)